I am new here and wanted to introduce

Avatar for klty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I am new here and wanted to introduce
6
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 2:50pm

EDITING to add that there may be possible TRIGGERS in this message...I couldn't edit the title, but wanted to make this noticeable. I apologize for not thinking to put that in the title at first.

myself. I am 32 years old and am struggling with anorexia for the second time in my life. The first time I was diagnosed at 15. I was down to 95 lbs at 5 ft. 7 in. My Mom took me to the dr finally who threatened to put me in the hospital with a feeding tube and that scared me into eating. I never received any counseling at that point in time and just kept meeting my weight goals and "recovered", or so I thought. Here I am, almost 18 years later, finding myself with the same type of behaviors, but slightly different than before. During the past 18 years I had no issues with anorexia at all...I loved food and loved to eat food. I maintained a healthy weight of 125-130 without restricting foods. I had 2 kids and gained healthy amounts of weight with #1, maybe too much with #2, but always returned to my prepregnancy weight. I do have anxiety issues and have been on meds since Nov 03 to help. I don't know exactly what set me back on this path, but I changed my way of eating back in May to lose a couple of lbs before a beach trip and discovered that my stomach felt much better (I have IBS too) eating healthy (South Beach Phase 2) than eating the crap I had been eating...lots of fried foods/processed foods. I think it just spiraled out of control. I was finding myself obsessed with the scale and that number again. Just 1 more pound and then another and another. This time though, I caught myself and realized what I was doing and told my dr. She said that anorexia could resurface and while I may have recovered from it years ago, doesn't mean that I won't ever have to deal with it again. I got down to 118.5 this time and now I have made my DH hide my scale so I can't weigh myself. My dr referred me to a nutritionist and a counselor and I hope that I have caught myself in time, this time. It is weird b/c part of me KNOWS that restricting my food is NOT okay, but the other part of me does it anyway. I do find that not knowing what I weigh helps tremendously.....I don't find myself obsessing as much over what I eat. My dr also switched me to Lexapro instead of Buspar and I have noticed a huge improvement there as well. My DH doesn't understand....he thinks that b/c I am eating that I am okay....I tried to explain to him that my thought process is what can get me in trouble and I am manipulating what I eat to lose or to not gain weight.

Sorry for the long winded intro. I look forward to reading info here and getting to know others who understand.

Kim




Edited 12/7/2005 3:06 pm ET by klty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 10:25am

Hi Kim,

Thanks for posting and sharing your story with us. I am glad you found us.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things which is awesome. With a good therapist, opening up to others, and being honest with yourself I think recovering is possible. I hope we will 'see' more of you on this board and that you will continue to share how you are doing. I also hope that this board will give you encouragement and hope during tough times.

Love & hugs, Kristina


“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT



The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 6:07pm

Welcome, Kim, glad to have you here!


I wish studies would get up to date with the facts -- that many of us still have problems years and years later, that it's not just a teen-age issue!


Hope to hear from you again soon --


 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 10:00pm
Your story sounds so much like mine. I thought I was over this. But the loss of a friend a year ago, plus the stress of raising three kids, etc. brought it all back. Like you, I recognize this destructive thought process and eating pattern. I just can't seem to get on top of it. I have good days and bad. I, too, am in therapy and taking an antidepressant, which helps a little. I just want to be done with this once and for all. And I really don't want my daughter (or my sons) to ever go through what I have. I try to be so careful about how I talk about weight around her and try to model healthy eating. But the battle in my head over everything I put in my mouth is exhausting. I have better things to do! I haven't posted on this board before...I actually just found it. But I connected with your post. You are not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:02pm

Hi there. tynmaddiesma,


Welcome to the board -- I hope you will find a comfy place to sit & talk.


I am sorry to hear about your loss.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 1:44pm
Hi, Kim. Except for the fact that I don't have children, I can very much relate to your story. BTW, I'm new here as well. Anyway, I'm 35 and have suffered from anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating since before puberty. I was always underweight growing up. I can remember being 11 years old and weighing 70lbs. and I would look at pictures of myself and think I was fat. My mother was always dieting when I was growing up and unhappy with her weight, so I guess it transferred on to me. But, at the same time, if this makes sense, I knew I was underweight and I desparately wanted to gain but couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. I was called names like 'Olive Oil' "lizard legs', etc. When I finally started to gain weight as a teenager I panicked. I began compulsively weighing myself and severely undereating. Then, in my twenties it was bulimia (purging by excessive exercise) and compulsive overeating. Now, here I am in my thirties dealing with all three again (anorexia, bulimia, and overeating). I even started making myself vomit for the first time that I can remember. Sorry, I hope this post isn't triggering you or anyone else. That's not my intent. I've been in therapy for a total of 8 years. The first 5 were for other issues, though. I've only been in therapy for the ED issues for 3 years. I find it extremely difficult at times because I equate getting better with getting fat. I used to weigh 175lbs and I'm only 5'5. I lost a bunch of weight by severely restricting and overexercising. Although it certainly wasn't achieved in a healthy way at all, I'm now a healthy weight of 130-135lbs. However, I'm absolutely terrified of gaining weight for fear that I'll lose control and be fatter than ever. Just wanted to share, and let you know that your definitely not alone.


Edited 12/22/2005 12:10 am ET by kittywitty2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 4:42pm
hey,
I bulimic since about 2002. Have had therapy since 1997 about other issues. Am 25 now. Remember thinking that 5 foot and 100lbs was too much, so refused desserts and seconds. Was in sports, music and dance. In 2003 refused to eat anything except a boost drink for 42 days, and lost 30 lbs. After that I decided to purge after meals.