Feel I am losing it again..slipping back
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| Sun, 01-08-2006 - 10:23am |
I was sitting at my mirror this morning, doing my hair and next to me was my PC.......I so wanted to post but the batteries in my keyboard went and I couldn't type. I was sitting crying and things are really getting on top of me.!
I have been doing so well but recently, the symptoms I once had are coming back. I am crying, feeling low and generally emotional!
I think my back probs are not helping as I am in pain but its getting better slowly (I think!) but I am sore to move sometimes and I am normally, a gym girl and not being about to exercise without ANY pain is a nightmare. I am normally strong in myself (well I was in Oct when I decided to get better).
I can see my legs getting bigger and bigger, clothes are getting tighter and I feel so ugly at times even though people tell me I am really slim. I just don't feel myself right now at all and its hurting. I think about food all the time, pick all the time but yet eat less than I should. I exercise around 5-6 hours a week at the gym and feel uneasy when I miss not getting. My physchologist appointments are starting again this week but I am scared to admit I am feeling down again. I don't know if its my hormones but I think, Since my period on holiday in July 2005 which was only about 2 days, if that!, I don't think I have had a period since I got back. I am always cold but more now than ever........sitting in bed with 2 duvets, a sleeping bag and hot water bottle with my pyjamas on and a jumper.
I just want to cry and don't feel I can be honest with my friends who know what I struggle with. Being a brought up Christian I should be talking to God about this but I just have no desire right now. I have lost all ability to be rational with my thinking. Cognitively, emotionally, physically its there!!! Simple things upset me. Sorry this may be too much info but normally, I have been able to go to the toilet once a day and mostly after I have eaten a "meal" but last night, I was sore and needing but wasn't able to relieve myself. I weighed and I was 3lbs heavier and it was really upsetting. I knew this morning, when I would weigh I would be more. Even though eventually last night, I cleared a little, I still needed badly. I did weigh more and I guess this was what made me upset. I was 2lbs heavier but playing with my mind, I hung on to the unit slightly and kept it at a weight I usually am. I am sorry I needed to talk to someone as my thoughts of selfworth are low and I JUST am scared of things I think. Sorry to moan too as I know there are others VERY much more worse off than me............
Lisa xxx

Hi Lisa,
I know what you are going through is scary, but we are all here for you and I bet your friends will be too if you open up to them. Try to ask for support and help - there is nothing wrong with it. And how about just telling God that you have a hard time talking to him right now and asking him to help you with it. This little prayer wouldn't take long and you can say it quickly and several times a day. I know God will hear you and be there for you.
It also sounds like you may have something hormonal going on. If you have not had a period since July of 2005 that's obviously not right. It's also not good and I would encourage you to go see your GYN and let him/her know what is going on. If your hormones are out of balance it could definitely make you feel depressed, angry, scared and more.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. How about calling a friend and talking to her about how you are feeling? Also, please be honest with your psychologist so he/she can help you.
Love & hugs, Kristina
“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
LISA!
~Diana~