How do I get help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
How do I get help?
12
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 1:59am

Could trigger:

I really feel like I'm ready for recovery. I've weighed this option before. It seems I go on and off about it. I've been in the off mode for a while now and haven't visited this board because of the guilt I guess. I'm miserable though. I don't know if the ED is causing this but I'm depressed all the time, feel like crying, and I'm just sick of this. Last night, after restricting for a couple of weeks, I had a huge binge. It was awful. My husband was freaking out and told me to stop. He couldn't believe I was eating so much and was worried something would happen. I still wasn't even full. I hate purging but do it anyway. I feel like such a freak. Where do I start to get help? I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place.I don't have insurance. Any help or advice is appreciated. Thanks. ~Jenny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
In reply to: banjjo
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 1:55pm
There are therapists that offer reduced fees. My therapist only charges me $30/session. Her normal fee is like $150/session. You may need inpatient treatment as well, though. Although, with no insurance, I'm not sure how you'd go about that. Maybe someone else could offer more insight. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
In reply to: banjjo
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 7:13am

Do you qualify for Medicaid?

Have you visited this site: http://www.something-fishy.org/

This link provides a list of support groups in your area:

http://www.something-fishy.org/treatmentfinder/index.php?category=5

Good Luck,
Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: banjjo
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 3:30pm
Thank you Jessica and Kitty. Thanks for the link and for the advice. I couldn't find a treatment center at Something Fishy for my area, but that did give me the idea to look around for counselors who list that they treat for eating disorders. I found one so far, though I'm sure there are lots more, I just need to look around. I don't qualify for medicaid, but I will ask around and see if there is a sliding scale or not, and figure it out from there. Now I just have to convince myself I deserve this. I know I'm past sick of it all. And I know in reality that I do deserve it (because I'd tell anyone else that they did), but to feel that way is different. I'm sure that probably goes along with the eating disorer itself. I've come to realize that even when I think I can get rid of this on my own, I always end up restricting and then comes along the huge binges. I never quite get back to the normal way of eating. If only I wasn't so scared to do it. I don't know what's holding me back from doing it on my own. I should just give it a chance, but instead of going around in circles I know that counseling would be good. Thanks again and take care! ~Jenny
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: banjjo
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 10:07am

Hi Jenny,


I'm glad you were able to get such good information from Jessica and Kitty.


I hope you will go with what you know is reality and find an ED therapist.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: banjjo
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:48pm
Thanks Caroline. I really appreciate your words. I certainly don't want my teeth to decay. They hurt lately too. I wonder if it's from the purging or not. I hope not. Everyday I tell myself to call somebody but I haven't done it yet. Part of me is lazy I think. The other part of me is scared, and then the other part is afraid of leaving this ED behind, despite the pain it causes. I notice I want recovery less when I am able to restrict like I like. But when I lose control of that I become more miserable and depressed. I don't want this. I want this area of my life to be normal. It's no way to live. I surprised myself on Sunday when I taught a lesson at church. It was about finding joy in our life. There was a story in my lesson about a girl with an ED. I debated on reading it because her thoughts were exactly my thoughts, but I decided to read it anyway, thinking I could separate myself from it. But I cried uncontrollably through the whole part where the girl talked about why she had her ED and why the thought of letting it go was so difficult. I hope I didn't let anybody on to what is going on in my life. I don't really know what I think about all that, but I know if I feel that strongly that I've got to do something about it. You are right, I just need to take control and do it. I'm really going to try, I really am. I'm trying to think positively about all this. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: banjjo
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 3:32am

Dear Banjjo,

Have you tried going to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting? Most people think this fellowship is strictly for people who eat compulsively, but there are many anorexics and bulimics at the meetings. I'm technically a binge eater, I don't purge. OA is what keeps me sane and away from the food. I haven't binged in 5 years. I go to meetings and work the program and try to live one day at a time. It's free and there are many meetings around. The thing that I probably like the best is that you walk into a meeting and you'll find people just like you who are willing to lend you an ear and a shoulder. If you're interested you can find a meeting in your area at

www.oa.org

Good luck!!!


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: banjjo
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:41pm









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~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: banjjo
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:48pm

Hi Banjjo,
I'm guessing from your post about church that you're a Christian, so am I. I suffered with and ED several years ago and then relapsed last spring. I finally got good counseling last summer and I'm so thankful to say that I'm honestly at a place now where my life is not controlled by what I do or don't eat or by what the scale tells me. It's a great place to be!

For me, my recovery was rooted in one thing. I had to really give all of this to God. I had to recognize that my worth is soley in my identity in Christ and that I was made in HIS image--perfect, just the way he made me. I had to recognize that wanting to be thin at all costs was a form of idolitry--that I was harming the body he gave me because I wanted to conform to some earthly idea of beauty.

You--and all of us--are precious daughters of a loving God. Give this struggle to Him--in the depths of your despair and pain, cry out to Him and ask him to help you seek help and to help you through the recovery process until you get to the other side. He will not let you down...

Best of luck to you,
Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: banjjo
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 10:47am

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: banjjo
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 5:50pm

Thanks for you replies everyone. I really appreciate it.

Thanks schematicphase, for the link for OEA. This really does sound like a good idea. I had never thought of it before but it does make sense. It would be nice to meet people in my area going through similar things & similar feelings. I did find one in my area and it is tonight, but I can't attend. But hopefully by next week when I can I'll have the nerve to go and try.

I am doing okay today, pretty good actually. I'm trying to have a better attitude about things and have a desire to take responsibility for all this. Monday was a hard day. After a few days of restriction Monday came along and turned into one of those stressful days we all despise. I was preparing for a dinner I was having for friends at my house. I'm not comfortable being a hostess and the whole thing is always very stressful, especially because I do it because I feel like I have to. I ended up binging that afternoon and was extremely upset about it, especially because I had been restricting so well. I think the reasoning behind it was that my day was completely off. I usually have a schedule during the day of when i eat and it keeps me on track. Well, being so busy that day, and things not going as planned, my schedule went off. I could really feel a binge coming on but decided why not try recovery for a day. I don't have to binge I told myself, and I don't have to restrict. I've been wanting to recover, so what better day to try and give it a chance. So I dediced to eat the salad I bought at the store and I ate the whole thing...it was a healthy calorie amount. But it was like something else was controlling me and I ended up binging badly. It's like if I was going to eat healthy then I might as well give up and eat everything in sight, who cares what I actually wanted, it's like my mind or body wanted something different. Fortunately I didn't have alot of bad things in my house to eat or it would've been worse. It was very frustrating to try to eat a normal meal and have that happen. But I'm trying to really look at this positively and it's pushing me further in the direction I need to go to be healthy.

Melanie, I really appreciate what you said. You are right, it is a form of idolitry. That really puts it into perspective. I know God is so sad to see me do this. I know he wants me to get help. I have to do my part. I have had problems in the past with harming myself, and not only is this ED me trying to form myself to a standard, it's me trying to hurt myself and cause punishment. Sometimes I feel guilt, like you said Diana, and I think I do punish myself for that. I do need to change alot of my perspectives and turn this over to God. I think counseling really would help with this so I can start to do this. I feel so unworthy of even God's love.

Diane, thanks for your time to read my post again. I do like the idea of the family doctor. That does seem easier to me at this point. I have a female doctor whom I really trust and I think this is something I can easily do. Thank you for the somethingfishy link. I have been there a couple times and it is a good idea to go there for support. It's not something I have been doing. And thanks for the family information for that website also.

Thanks for everyone's time in posting. It does feel good to talk about it. I appreciate the place to vent and the listening ears.

I hope you will all take care!

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