It's bad right now.....

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
It's bad right now.....
10
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 5:47am

The bulimia has kicked in full force again. I know it's because I gained 20 pounds on my trip home. The pounds are almost back off but now I have to "quit" the behavior again. I am lying to my hubby telling him I am not purging and I have never done that before. It's like when I came out of "remission" it took a horrible more hard core stance. I am still eating what is on the menu plan for me but can't seem to reconcile that it is ok to eat food again without purging. I don't ever want to go back to in patient treatment so I have to reconcile this myself.  I guess admitting it here is my first step. Now if I can just make that next step and stop the behavior!


With Much Regret,


Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 1:03pm

(((Julie)))


No regrets, ya hear?

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 1:37pm

Hi, I don't post often, but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I'm recently married, 4 months, and I'm kind of going through the same thing. I was fine for a while, 2.5 years with occasional purging--once every few months, and otherwise eating healthy, but after spending Christmas with my in-laws I started up with my old habits. I feel horrible lying to my husband, I've been sneaking around, making excuses... I'm 24 years old and I started this whole thing when I was 13, I just want it to be over. I'm just scared, over the past 3 weeks I've started lowering my daily calories, making excuses as to why I don't need to eat (x), and I've purged once a week.

My husband is a trained chef. When I met him he worked in a restaurant, he doesn't do that anymore, but he still cooks like a chef at home. Isn't that funny? I married a professional chef! Of course it makes perfect sense.

Do you have foods that trigger your behavior? I find that I do. The only way, I think, I was able to have such infrequent purges in the 2.5 years before I started this whole thing up again, is by avoiding the foods that trigger me. Of course that's really hard, but it's the only advice I have right now and it's something I'm trying to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:42pm

Hi karrlii and welcome.


I wonder what it was about the in-law visit that triggered your behaviors this time --


Two and a half years with occasional purging?

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:19am

Karrlii,


Thanks for letting me know I am not alone!


I hope things are getting better for you.


I am still not doing well and have really been afraid to come to the board because I don't want to be a negative influence. I need a therapist but can't afford one right now while hubby is out of work. I have been able to keep a couple of meals

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:40am

(((Julie)))


You do

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 3:13pm

I just can't get a grip on this. Last night I ate after I took

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 7:23pm

(((hugs))) keep trying...


 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:55pm
You know what??? I just realized that when I was in remission I was on 100 mg of Topamax daily! I fell off the wagon when I quit that med! It is reported to help bulimics with binge eating and appetite control. But it is also reported to help with the PTSD symptoms too. When hubby gets a job and gets insurance again I am going back on that med! Maybe that's why I am having such a difficult time even WANTING recovery! Just a thought. Of course I know there are a lot of people who do it without meds but I know that the med was the only thing different from then until now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:00pm

About some people doing it without meds:

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:09pm

Topiramate is the generic for Topomax -- would help with the cost.


 

 

~Diana~