Food Contract
Find a Conversation
Food Contract
| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 4:16pm |
Has anyone else ever had a food contract with their T? If so, how did it go? We set our contract about 6 weeks ago with the intent of me being held accountable to consuming a set number of calories per day, minimum. I have to write down everything I consume, and one time my T asked to see the food logs. I provided a four-day period where I did well meeting our "terms." I've been doing pretty well with this, but over the last week or so, I've increasingly had more days where I haven't reached the set number or have exercised to offset the calories consumed. I feel so torn - there's a high in getting away with playing with the numbers (because she hasn't made me show her the logs in about a month), yet I know there could be consequences (health-wise) of doing this. I also fear being honest this week because she layed out consequences and next steps if I don't meet the food contract terms. I suppose the logical and best thing to do would be to hand her the food and exercise logs at the outset of our next meeting without her asking, but at the same time, instating this practice would relinquish so much control, which freaks me out. It's hard - sometimes my T is gentle and understanding and other times she's pretty blunt and hard on me. I know that's her job, but I never know if it's going to be a challenging or a comforting session. So, she could just say something like "this was a tough week and next week needs to be better," or she could become really stern and immediately implement the next steps we discussed. Last week she was pretty blunt and my stubbornness and defensiveness shocked us both. So, I guess I fear her more right now than I trust her. Anyway, sorry for the long post and thanks for reading this. I guess there isn't a real question here, I just needed to write out the internal struggle I've been feeling grow over the last few weeks.

Hi so_cal,
I'm just getting ready to do the goals thread, maybe you could put something in there.
~Diana~
Hi,
I am glad you posted and got it out of your system so to speak. The food contract can be a good thing but for some people it might not work. If it provokes anxiety within you to the point that you won't be honest with your T then I would question the effectiveness of it. But one thing I would definitely do is to be completely honest with her about how all of this makes you feel. Tell her exactly what you told us in your post and go from there.
One concern I have with a food conract is that it will eventually produce guilt if you don't follow it. I realize there is a high in getting away with it, but will there be shame eventually for not adhering to it? Women with EDs tend to struggle with guilt and shame as is so that may be something else you could discuss with your T.
Keep us posted on what she says and how you are doing.
Love & hugs, Kristina
“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Thanks, Kristina, those are things I didn't quite realize -- they make perfect sense.
~Diana~
Hi Kristina. Thank you for your feedback and input on this issue. As hard as the session might be with my T, I've decided that I probably should share the logs with her. Accountability is hard right now, but it might be the only thing that helps me beat this thing. You're right about the shame and guilt, and it comes with eating more than the contract amount. My T has been great about using our set number as the bare minimum and is always happy and supportive to hear about the times I've surpassed our set minimum. But, I feel aweful and beat myself up when I go over the number. Writing it down doesn't help - I feel like it's staring me in the face and is a reminder that I ate too much. In reality, I probably haven't eaten too much, I've probably consumed what I should as an athlete, but seeing it on paper makes it harder to move beyond. Anyway, thanks again for the feedback and encouragement.
Sincerely,
Nicole
Nicole,
Believe me, I know about the mind games especially when it comes to caloric intake. What you are going through is tough so go easy on yourself. Also keep in mind the ED basically is filling your mind with nonsense. One of the books I mentioned in another post, 'Life Without ED', actually talks about ED as if he were another person. For example, the author wrote that ED has rules such as 'you must always be the skinniest person on the elevator', 'your skinny jeans must be baggy on you', 'you must always eat less than everybody else at the table', etc. Although I have known for a long time that the negativity is not real, reading this book and the funny way the author is presenting ED has really helped me. The chapters are short and you don't have to read them in any particular order. If you can, check out the book and see if it helps you.
Love & hugs, Kristina
“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Hi Nicole, I had another idea.
This is a book that helped me save my own life, literally, long ago.
It's called Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy by David Burns.
~Diana~
Love & hugs, Kristina
“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Thank you Kristina & Diana for the resource suggestions. During the late winter and spring I end up having a lot of alone time on the weekends, as my DH works crazy hours during that season. I think these might be great resources to delve into with this alone time.
An update - at a strong point prior to my appointment, I called my T and told her she needs to make sure to ask to see my food logs every week. I am honest with her when she asks direct questions, and I've been honest about writing down what I eat, so I think this is the best form of accountability for me right now. She was really happy and proud of me that I identified what kind of help I needed and then asked for it.
I've also realized I can view my relationship with her in one of two ways: 1) as threatening with her playing an enforcement role, or 2) as a help and resource to guide me through this. I think #2 makes things more positive and we'd be a team, but lately #1 is how things have been going. Related to that, she and my DH are now talking on the phone to one another too, which kind of scares me. They are now a unified team working towards a common goal of helping me through this, but I worry that at times it'll be the two of them against me. In the past, she's threatened to call him but I always knew she didn't have his phone numbers. Now she does. I feel like I've lost control in this, and while one side of me knows I probably do need to relinquish a bit of control here, the other side of me is kind of freaking out about it.
So, that's how the last few days have gone. Thanks again for the support and encouragement. I feel like I am just beginning to get a sense of how tough the road to recovery is - and I have so much respect for those who've stayed along the recovery road!