New hubby just found out I'm "bulimic"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
New hubby just found out I'm "bulimic"
2
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 7:40pm
My new husband of three months (who I've been together with for almost two years) just found out that I have some "issues" with food. He caught me throwing up after a meal for the second time in our marriage and now he is very upset/worried/angry, etc. The problem is, I don't feel like I have a problem. I don't consider myself bulimic because I don't binge and I don't vomit after every meal; in fact I only eat between 900 and 1000 calories a day. I used to be quite overweight and lost 40 pounds through healthy diet and exercise, the last 15 I lost through not-so-healthy means. I now weigh 105 and am just so terrified to gain weight. I know what it's like to be fat and I hate the thought of food just sitting in me turning to fat. I am surprised that my husband is so upset over this because he is always going on about how great I look and how he loves my body, etc. I want to make my husband happy and I don't want him to be so worried about me, but I am not ready to give this up or get "help" for what I don't even consider to be problem. I don't even throw up after every meal. Obviously it's causing problems in our marriage. I don't even know what to do, I am so lost as to what to do. ANyone who has gone through something similar, input would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 8:37am

Hi There,


I am glad you found us and that you are reaching out. My husband knew about my ED before we got married, but I know what you mean about not wanting him to worry, etc.


Ok, you probably don't want to hear this, but you DO have a problem. In my opinion, normal eating is nourishing your body several times a day with healthy foods and eating 'fun' foods so to speak on occasion and in moderation without going into starvation afterwards or over exercising. If you asked anybody if throwing up after a meal, whether you binged or not, is normal for weight control they would tell you it isn't. And I think if you are being honest with yourself you will admit the same. Making yourself throw up messes up your electrolytes, causes damage to your teeth, and can cause other health problems. There is obviously something bigger going on here.


EDs are also not about food or your body or any of the stuff we think they are about. They are typically about some deeper emotional issue that we don't want to deal with. It can be something from your childhood, something more recent (like a marriage), or something you are afraid of in the future. Not to say that getting married is bad by all means, I love being married, but it's a huge change for people.


I want to encourage you to read a little more about EDs and one good site to start with is www.somethingfishy.org. You may not have all the symptoms listed but again, the fact that you are INDUCING vomiting IS and indication that there is a problem. And while I am sure that you weren't thrilled about your husband finding out, take advantage of the fact that he knows and ask him to support you. The longer you wait to work on your recovery, the longer it will take to heal and believe me, you don't want to go through life with an ED.


Please post here as often as you need to and be open to recovery. Try to find a good therapist and just go and talk about what's going on. Nobody is going to make you stop what you are doing just because you make an appointment.

Love & hugs, Kristina


“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT



The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:53am

Hi there --


...just some reality testing, as Kristina has said everything else so well.


If you are eating that amount of calories every day, could it really be turning into fat?

 

 

~Diana~