insecurities with new bf
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| Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:58pm |
hi gals,
i've been going steady with my current bf for about 3 months & so far, i've only told him that i've got ED and am trying to recover from it but i din tell him that i've both anorexic and bulimic tendencies. so far, the anorexic urges are under control but sometimes, i still wanna vent out & binge on food esp in situations when i've angry, frustrated or feel totally worthless. it's just that it seems that i've fallen so far and changed into someone that i dislike immensely compared to the responsible gal that i was in the past. i would still keep on counting calories, trying to restrict myself at times coz i haven't really been exercising since my college days and now as an undergrad, i'm basically swarmed with people who are constantly comparing grades, trying to get to honors roll, or people who're trying to outdo one another all the time.
it's not helping that my bf's turned on every occasion that i meet up with him and frequently suggest that i go over to his place. although i'm flattered that he wants me but i'm aware of the tot that i might just be another sex toy for him to play with for he had like 11 gfs b4 me. he's only 21 this year, while i'm 22. although he said that sex is juz sex to him & he wouldn't dump a gal juz coz he had sex with her, i still doubt that notion. moreover, he spends more time with his friends than with me coz time spent with me is mostly 'cuddling sessions' and we couldn't even hv a norm study date! i really like this guy but i find that i couldn't open up myself fully to him as we don't really have the chance to really have a good talk except when we're snugging up against each other.
Am i thinking too much over here? signz~ he was studying with a gal yesterday, helping her in the revision coz she's his ex secondary schoolmate & current university junior. he has got no lack of gal pals around him. perhaps i'm juz being insecure or i've nothing better to do than to fret on this. thankz for hearing out~

I think time will tell with this guy -
Meanwhile if you know you're doing your best job on your studies, which it seems are really more important than an iffy relationship (said from experience, hard I know), then that's all you can do.
If you are really having trouble liking yourself these days, and don't have any trustworthy friends, you could seek some counseling, offered at many colleges and universities.
If you have ed issues, that would be a good place to start also.
Good luck -
~Diana~