I am new and need help/advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
I am new and need help/advice
7
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 7:30am

HI! I am new to this or any message board and I really need advice/help with bulemia. I have problems with binging/purging and it gets set off whenever my trigger foods are available and my eating schedule is disrupted ( for example, going out to dinner or having to eat with anyone other than my husband or 3 year old son ). If I eat a normal meal and go beyond what I consider is safe I feel the need to purge then binge to justify my eating. I am also addicted to maintaining a safe weight range on the scale. I go anywhere from 108 to 112 lbs. If I could learn to weigh myself only a few times a week I might actually enjoy dinner. I also have a problem with obsessive excercise. I do run between 40 to 50 miles a week, use a rowing machine, and go to spinning class. The excercise I don't view as the problem b/c I was always into excercise.
I hate my relationship with the scale and food. Tonight my parents are coming for dinner and I am over the edge as to what I am going to serve. Everytime I binge I hate myself and I get so anxious if I feel like I didn't purge all of the food out. I can't go on with this lifestyle and I understand the negative health effects of this disease.
I appreciate any input or help.

Sincerely,
Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 6:43pm

Hi Laurie,

Thank you for joining us on this board - welcome!

I can relate to what you are going through and most of here probably can. I am not sure how familiar you are with eating disorders, but the food issues, scale issues, weighing, etc. are all just symptoms of something else that's going on. It could be something that happened in your childhood or something stressful in your life right now. If you haven't read much about eating disorders you could start here: www.somethingfishy.org.

In order to recover you will need support and a good therapist - in my opinion. A therapist can help you figure out what the underlying trigger is that is causing you to turn to food. In addition, I would post here when ever you need support or just want to vent or chat.

Love & hugs, Kristina


“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT



The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 9:34pm
Thank you so much for your welcome. I feel like I may have taken the first step. I need the courage to tell my husband how serious things are with me (he knows of past purging) but I don't think he knows what is going on now. I must gain control and that is my goal.
Sincerely,
Laurie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 12:36pm

I'm extending my welcome as well and am sorry I could not get to your post sooner. I'm so glad you chose our (your) message board!


Kristina has said it all and given you a great site to get information.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 1:12am

Thank you so much for your welcome! I understand completely about the scale dictating the type of day you will have. How did you stop weighing yourself everyday? I did allow myself some more breathing room with my weight fluctuation and that is very helpful for me. There is absolutely no one that I ever told my problem to and I think my friends and family would be shocked. I casually mentioned it to my husband in the summer but I really downplayed the problem. I almost made it sound like the problem was resolved. Now I really want and need his support so that link will be helpful, however, he is in school full-time and dealing with alot of issues right now. I recently found out about his personal issues and I don't want to overwhelm him.
I also fear that everything I put in my mouth will be analyized and judged. I am afraid this will make my eating disorder worse causing more closet eating behavior.
I know I need a therapist. I have a connection at work where they will provide you with employee assistance to anything you need and they direct you from there. I am not sure if this is the right channel for me and I know I should not think of this, but paying for therapy and insurance. My husband is in school full-time so I am basically head of household.
Right now if I don't binge tonight I will consider this a great accomplishment. The way I feel now I don't think I will.

Thanks again. I think I threw some other issues out there.

Sincerely,
Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 12:26pm

Thank you so much for your welcome! I understand completely about the scale dictating the type of day you will have. How did you stop weighing yourself everyday?


It happened gradually, Laurie.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 9:02pm

Hi Diana! Thanks for the ideas regarding support. I have thought about OA and there are many places that have meetings. However, I feel awkward in a group that is so public. I will have to throw out a discussion to see if anyone has attended those meetings to get a feel for how they work. This is all so new for me.
Not having a scale would be ideal. When I went on vacation with my husband and his family I hid mine at the bottom of my large suitcase. I was able to keep it a secret. However, when I went with my Mom, Dad, and my son I actually forgot it at home. I had some stress but I was also relieved. I ate well that week, exercised as usual, and attemted to maintain familiar eating habits at least during the day. I knew I couldn't purge or binge b/c we were in a small hotel room. It would have been too risky. That was the longest I didn't purge in a long time. I actually forget when I started.
The good news is I didn't purge or binge last night. I was overjoyed when I went to bed. I woke up feeling so good and actually very hungry. I hope I can control myself this weekend. I work only on weekends so it is comforting to binge and purge the most then.
Thanks for the tips and support.

Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 12:24am

Here's a link to the OA website:


http://www.oa.org/index.htm


I hope you'll come back here often :)


 

 

~Diana~