Bad Day!! Bad Bulemic Behavior!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Bad Day!! Bad Bulemic Behavior!!
2
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 12:50am

Hi Everyone! I thought since I posted a good behavior under the goal section I better fess up and post some bad behavior! I binged and purged on Thursday. I really purged alot. The positive side of this is that my binge amount was much smaller than my other binges and definately less time consuming. Also I did not binge until then util one week ago (but I purged last weekend). Anyway, I know this is not a setback and I won't let it discourage me.
I was depressed all day long on Thursday. I also felt like I was actually missing my binges, ( does this make sense?) But, the idea of another safe food meal which is basically the same thing everyday did not appeal to me at all. I need to get control of this. I love and hate food at the same time. I love and hate my weight at the same time. I love and hate my excercise addiction at the same time.
In retrospect, I need to be careful on these bad days. Maybe I should splurge on different foods on those days. I should have confessed to someone about my feelings on that day.
I did admit to my husband I still have bulemia and he was genuinely surprised which surprised me b/c I couldn't imagine what he thought I was doing in the bathroom. I would usually binge/purge after he's asleep but depending on my supper it could be while he's awake. We had a very emotional day last Sunday with his issues and my issues and it was therapeutic. However, I couldn't go to him and tell him what I did. Also, he was studying for a huge test which was the following day.
Anyway, thanks for listening and reading this and anything you would like to add it welcome. It is the weekend and this is usually my downfall. I work only weekends and I work in a very stressful field so I need to monitor my behavior. I really want to get through a second weekend without any binging behavior.

Thanks everyone!
Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:34am

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for opening up and sharing with us. It can be hard to talk about relapses but it's so good to just get it out. And I am SO glad that you are not letting it discourage you and that you are looking at the progress in it. That alone says so much about your recovery.

How did you do this weekend? What ever happened, good or bad, I hope you know that it does not define you or who you are.

Love & hugs, Kristina


“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT



The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:41am
Hi! Thanks for your encouragement! I did pretty good this weekend compared to the other weekends. I did have another relapse on Sunday night after my husband fell asleep. I had my safe snack and ended up going to far. I am a little discouraged this morning b/c I feel like it will always be lurking with me. I didn't even have a bad day yesterday. I think the trigger was simply hunger. However, overall this is a big improvement from previous behavior.
Thanks again.
Laurie