Hi everyone

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Hi everyone
8
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:18am

Sorry to say that I don't have the time or energy to read all the posts and reply.


But ((((hugs)))) to all of you and welcome any new members.


My week has not been as good as last week. I've been slipping on my calorie minimums, but have not binged or purged, so I guess that's something.


The eating disorder group starts up again next week. I also see my family doc and pdoc that week. It's going to be a busy week. I know that will be a trigger for me not to eat, so I plan on taking a whole bunch of non-threatening snacks to have throughout the day. It would mean eating 4 times a day, which I'm not used to, but it would be some very small things so I wouldn't get overwhelmed with guilt.


The expressive arts group doesn't start until the following week. I'm excited and nervous about it.


Part of my nervousness comes from knowing that I'm not an artist. The other is that I will be taking the Burlington city bus that comes into my city, instead of the GO bus which I am accustomed to. It will just be a lot cheaper that way. Maybe I'll take the burlington bus there and the GO bus home so that I don't have to go all the way downtown on the way home.


Well enough blabbing from me.


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: schitz
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:14pm

Hi Amanda,


It's always nice to hear from you.


Good luck on the ed group and your expressive arts class.

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59pm

I hope they are good too. It was helpful going to the group last time. It's like I have someone to be accountable to so I stay on track better. Still fighting with the urge to restrict. It's like part of me doesn't want to get better. I still want to lose weight. It's like I can't get better until I get worse. Like I feel that I'm not bad enough off to need help yet.


Blah blah blah.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: schitz
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 11:41am

I'm glad you found the group helpful.

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 1:22pm

Thanks Diana. You always make me feel so welcome and valued.


Currently my eating has been terrible. I think I'm still restricting a bit, but what I'm eating is junk food and I don't like that. I did have a binge yesterday and ate all of my leftover birthday cake. I'm glad they sent half of it home with my brother (who is my twin therefore also his birthday cake).


It's going to be a bad week for eating, or maybe I should consider it a good week because I'll be eating more like a normal person. So maybe I should just say it will be a difficult, guilt-ridden week.


Tonight I have a wrap up party for a contest I did, so I'll be eating pizza and feeling very guilty, but I know I won't be able to go and not eat. I'm going out for dinner on Tuesday (my actual birthday). And then another friend is taking me out for dinner on Friday for my birthday. Add to that the leftover lasagna that I got sent home with from yesterday. (which is good and bad. Good because it's my favourite food in the world, especially hommade, and bad because of the guilt and the possibiliity that I will eat all of the leftovers at once. That would be a major guilt trip and also a purge trigger).


With all the purging I did in the hospital I'm surprised I haven't been doing it since I got out. I guess that's a good thing.


Hope all is well with you too!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: schitz
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:16pm

Happy Birthday tomorrow, Amanda --


Sorry you're having a hard time with the food lately.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: schitz
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 1:45pm
Happy Birthday Amanda! So, you're an aries too?!? Birthday weeks are hard...I'm going into mine too, so I am right there with you on the anxiety associated with celebrating. So many meals out, sweets, guilt. Try to relax, enjoy the celebrations with friends, and keep to a routine when you're not with friends so that you feel the most comfortable that you can. But most importantly, remember to have FUN celebrating!!!
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:09pm

Thanks Diana.


I thought I had posted about the hospital. I was in for my psychotic depression and suicidal ideation, which was somewhat helped by being in, but it was too triggering for my ED. I normally don't purge, maybe once a month or less, but I did 7 times in 6 out of 10 days.


So far today has been good for food. I had a banana and granola bar and don't feel guilty, but going out for dinner tonight is going to make me too full, and that's triggering. I know what I'm going to eat (the same as last birthday at that restaurant) and I can still feel how full I was from that time. (too full to even finish my drink).


I still don't consider myself an artist, but thank you. I will start posting the products of my expressive arts group when that starts.

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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:13pm

Thanks for the post. I am trying to keep to my school routine. (I really don't have a choice since there's only one week left and then exams). I did have a good time at my dad's on Sunday and I expect tonight will be great because it's one of my closest friends taking me out. Plus I just met up with a friend from school and she gave me a present and that was nice. For some reason I wasn't expecting her to get me anything. It's her that I'm going out with Friday. I guess I expected a gift then, not thinking that I see her every tuesday at school and my birthday falls on a tuesday. *duh*


I'll write again to let you know how tonight goes

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