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| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:16pm |
Hi All. I hope everyone is hanging in there and having a good first few days of Spring!
I have an internal struggle that I thought I'd share and try to gather a few opinions about. I joined an ED therapy group and have been to a few meetings so far. While I feel challenged and confronted in new ways, I feel uncomfortable because there's only two of us right now, I am not working individually with either of the 2 group leaders, and I feel too big to be in the group. I also wonder if I really need to take this extra step, but then I wonder if that's the ED mindset in me taking over. I do feel like I've been knocked out of my comfort zone - maybe in a good way, maybe not. I don't know. It's so hard opening up in new ways and to a new group of people. Working with my therapist has become so comfortable and easy and I find being a part of this group to be scary, painful and lonely emotionally as I deal with and process what comes up in the group sessions and how I feel about being part of a group. Is it supposed to be that way? Is it supposed to be uncomfortable? And, I know recovery is hard, but how hard is too hard? I guess I am struggling with whether or not I really want to continue with doing group therapy.

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~Diana~
Hi again,
Just wanted you to know I have read your reply and will get back to you --
editing: so_cal, I wondered if you knew that you have every right to access your medical records.
~Diana~
Hi so_cal_runner,
Sorry I am just now joining in...I had to leave town for a few days unexpectedly.
I am currenty in a group and when I first started I considered leaving. There is one girl in the group who is about 18 years younger than I am, she is beautiful, she has long, lean, slender legs and shows them off in shorts, and she is very outspoken and dishes out advice freely. I like her, she is very sweet, but she is also a challenge for me. I have issues with my legs so seeing hers hits my ED. She has good advice but it bugs me that she seems to 'get it' and I don't at my age. All this to say that I wanted to quit the group because of her although I was getting something out of the group. I discussed some of it with my therapist who also leads the group and she encouraged me to stay. The truth is, there is alwasy a chance you will be confronted with an uncomfortable situation in real life. I am going to run into younger women with thinner, leaner legs than mine! It's inevitable. Ask yourself if this is just a challenge, or if you are being triggered. If there is a chance that this situation will cause you to relapse, I would seriously question the benefit of being in the group. If it's merely a challenge you and feel uncomfortable, you might consider staying.
I also think that discussing it with your therapist is a great idea. If you feel that she will be honest with you then talk to her about it. However, ultimately only you know and only you can make the right decision.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Love & hugs, Kristina
I guess you won't know what your therapist thinks unless you ask, and it sounds like you trust her enough to ask.
Kristina has brought up some insights that I don't have, since she is in a group right now and is going through similar challenges as you.
~Diana~
Thanks Kristina & Diana. Welcome back to the boards, Kristina. I hope your time away was okay. Thanks for your thoughts and insights on this, and thanks for sharing your experience. And, Diana, thanks for the encouragement about how far I've come in the last few months!
Right now I feel like I am in this weird in-between place. I look pretty healthy but I still have my ED mindset and definitely some of the behaviours. I think the group would be a good challenge for me, and so far I don't see it triggering me. If anything, this would be additional accountability to stay on the path toward recovery. It's another set of people to check in with on a regular basis. There are several things I like about it too: I really like the questions they ask; I like that the other group member and I are in the relatively same stage in life (i.e., age, married, etc.); I like that the leaders have dealt with EDs themselves because they know exactly how it feels; although it's tough, I like that I have to recap and explain things I have figured out already because when I verbalize it, I put additional pieces together - it helps me 'get it' on my own; and I really like how close the group meets to my home and work. So many good things. My major frustration is that when I first met with them, I said I didn't want this to be a group with 'rules.' I already have rules I have to follow for my therapist, so to then find out that there is a rule I didn't know about when I started going annoyed me. Of course, logically, I can see the benefit of a rule like this, and I can understand from their perspective that they might want to know what they're dealing with, but had I known this rule upfront, I would have considered things a bit more and felt like I was choosing a path rather than being backed into a corner. Anyway, sorry for the long message - typing it out helps me get in touch with and process my emotions and thoughts on this. Thanks again for all your valuable insights on this one!
Whether or not you continue group therapy is up to you. I know it is difficult to open up to a new group of people, so yes that's a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I don't think the group should make you really uncomfortable. As you said, maybe it's because it's such a small group. I'd say stick with it for a little while longer and see if you feel more trust and closeness as time goes on.
There's no such thing as too long a message here ;)
~Diana~
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