thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
thoughts?
12
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:16pm

Hi All. I hope everyone is hanging in there and having a good first few days of Spring!

I have an internal struggle that I thought I'd share and try to gather a few opinions about. I joined an ED therapy group and have been to a few meetings so far. While I feel challenged and confronted in new ways, I feel uncomfortable because there's only two of us right now, I am not working individually with either of the 2 group leaders, and I feel too big to be in the group. I also wonder if I really need to take this extra step, but then I wonder if that's the ED mindset in me taking over. I do feel like I've been knocked out of my comfort zone - maybe in a good way, maybe not. I don't know. It's so hard opening up in new ways and to a new group of people. Working with my therapist has become so comfortable and easy and I find being a part of this group to be scary, painful and lonely emotionally as I deal with and process what comes up in the group sessions and how I feel about being part of a group. Is it supposed to be that way? Is it supposed to be uncomfortable? And, I know recovery is hard, but how hard is too hard? I guess I am struggling with whether or not I really want to continue with doing group therapy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:24am
My question is: is the group helping you in any way? Are you gaining insights that you might otherwise not gain? Do you feel better because you have gone? I go to a group once a week. The leaders are helpful and I gain information each time I go. I feel comforted because I have gone. I get something out of the feedback, and resolve problems as a result of going. This is why I go back again. ~*Anna
In Love and Peace, Anna
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:26pm
 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 2:36pm
Hi Anna & Diana. Thank you for your input and thoughts on this. I am still struggling with what to do. I did share my concerns with the group, and they definitely understood. It might be easier if and when the group grows, but for now I do feel put on the spot and drained emotionally. The situation is even more complicated now though, and I have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not I want to commit to being a member of this group. While I do feel challenged in new ways and asked questions I haven't really been asked before, if I want to continue I have to allow permission to the group leaders to talk to my therapist (whom I have yet to tell that I even explored attending a group). I didn't know this was a rule when I started going, so I am kind of annoyed. But to continue, I have to agree to it. That adds an entirely new layer of people talking and communicating about me - it's hard enough having my husband and therapist talking - to bring two more people into the loop is even scarier and adds to the feelings of "them" against "me." I just wanted a forum to process things, not a whole new layer of treatment. I'm not sure I even need that. So, while I see some great benefits (and convenience since they meet 2 blocks from my office), I am hesitant to commit to this. Thanks again for your questions, thoughts and challenges about this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 11:50am

Hi again,


Just wanted you to know I have read your reply and will get back to you --


editing: so_cal, I wondered if you knew that you have every right to access your medical records.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 1:58pm
Thanks for the tips, Diana. As hard as it will be, I think my next step needs to be talking about the idea of participating in a group with my current therapist. I trust her, and I think her opinion about whether or not this is a good next step is important. Even two weeks ago she expressed frustration that she doesn't know totally how to help me and she threw out the idea of medication again. Maybe she would think this is a better idea than medication. It might be nice to have her involved in this too as I process what's discussed in the group sessions. I also trust that if she thinks I'm doing better without needing this group that she'll be honest with me about that too. I'm still at the point where there are good days and bad days and good weeks and bad weeks. I think during the bad weeks she'd say this next step would be good, but during the good weeks, she's really encouraging about how well I am doing. Does that make sense? Does that seem like the appropriate next step? Thanks again for your help as I process what to do about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:52pm

Hi so_cal_runner,

Sorry I am just now joining in...I had to leave town for a few days unexpectedly.

I am currenty in a group and when I first started I considered leaving. There is one girl in the group who is about 18 years younger than I am, she is beautiful, she has long, lean, slender legs and shows them off in shorts, and she is very outspoken and dishes out advice freely. I like her, she is very sweet, but she is also a challenge for me. I have issues with my legs so seeing hers hits my ED. She has good advice but it bugs me that she seems to 'get it' and I don't at my age. All this to say that I wanted to quit the group because of her although I was getting something out of the group. I discussed some of it with my therapist who also leads the group and she encouraged me to stay. The truth is, there is alwasy a chance you will be confronted with an uncomfortable situation in real life. I am going to run into younger women with thinner, leaner legs than mine! It's inevitable. Ask yourself if this is just a challenge, or if you are being triggered. If there is a chance that this situation will cause you to relapse, I would seriously question the benefit of being in the group. If it's merely a challenge you and feel uncomfortable, you might consider staying.

I also think that discussing it with your therapist is a great idea. If you feel that she will be honest with you then talk to her about it. However, ultimately only you know and only you can make the right decision.

Love & hugs, Kristina

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 9:48am

I guess you won't know what your therapist thinks unless you ask, and it sounds like you trust her enough to ask.


Kristina has brought up some insights that I don't have, since she is in a group right now and is going through similar challenges as you.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:59am

Thanks Kristina & Diana. Welcome back to the boards, Kristina. I hope your time away was okay. Thanks for your thoughts and insights on this, and thanks for sharing your experience. And, Diana, thanks for the encouragement about how far I've come in the last few months!

Right now I feel like I am in this weird in-between place. I look pretty healthy but I still have my ED mindset and definitely some of the behaviours. I think the group would be a good challenge for me, and so far I don't see it triggering me. If anything, this would be additional accountability to stay on the path toward recovery. It's another set of people to check in with on a regular basis. There are several things I like about it too: I really like the questions they ask; I like that the other group member and I are in the relatively same stage in life (i.e., age, married, etc.); I like that the leaders have dealt with EDs themselves because they know exactly how it feels; although it's tough, I like that I have to recap and explain things I have figured out already because when I verbalize it, I put additional pieces together - it helps me 'get it' on my own; and I really like how close the group meets to my home and work. So many good things. My major frustration is that when I first met with them, I said I didn't want this to be a group with 'rules.' I already have rules I have to follow for my therapist, so to then find out that there is a rule I didn't know about when I started going annoyed me. Of course, logically, I can see the benefit of a rule like this, and I can understand from their perspective that they might want to know what they're dealing with, but had I known this rule upfront, I would have considered things a bit more and felt like I was choosing a path rather than being backed into a corner. Anyway, sorry for the long message - typing it out helps me get in touch with and process my emotions and thoughts on this. Thanks again for all your valuable insights on this one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 1:27pm

Whether or not you continue group therapy is up to you. I know it is difficult to open up to a new group of people, so yes that's a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I don't think the group should make you really uncomfortable. As you said, maybe it's because it's such a small group. I'd say stick with it for a little while longer and see if you feel more trust and closeness as time goes on.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: so_cal_runner
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:36pm

There's no such thing as too long a message here ;)

 

 

~Diana~

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