I'm kinda scared-triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
I'm kinda scared-triggers
3
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:34am
My bf recently dumped me and I'm working through the depression of that and have joined a break-up board. So, I know what has trigger this, but I forgot how good it felt to really have control and redirect depression. I haven't had this problem in about 2 years. On on hand, I think that I need to be responsible and I have a lot of people who rely on me taking care of myself, and I think how selfish I'm being. I think about how I shouldn't allow myself to indulge. I've had about 1000 calories in the last 4 days, because I forced myself to do at least a little eating cause I was getting the shakes. I want to stay healthy, but I feel like I'm sinking and it feels good but scary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:55am

Hi there bay,


I'm sorry that you are having to go through this time.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 5:47pm
Thanks for reading Diana. When I was in high school I was anorexic and at 5'5" was only 100 LBS. I had all the classics, bad body self-image. A few friends that said something negative about my body, and that was all it took for me to have issues. Now, as an adult I don't know that I would say that I am anorexic as I don't stop eating due to wanting to lose weight or change my body shape. I'm currently 119 and I think that's not bad for 2 kids and mid-30's. Now, i control my eating for very different reasons and actually don't want to lose weight. It just feels really good to restrict, like empowering. It's a rush and it helps me redirect focus. No, I haven't seen a counselor and unfortuantely I have to be around family over Easter and I don't want them to give me any stress about losing weight. I think that I'm going to try to make a bargain with me self. I'm going to let myself do it through the weekend and not feel guilty and then re=evaluate if i need to take further steps on Monday.
Thanks so much, bay
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:55am

Good luck over Easter, bay -- I too am seeing relatives and have one sister that ... well let's just say she compares.

 

 

~Diana~