potential new goal...maybe

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
potential new goal...maybe
10
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 6:49pm

Hi all. I have a decision to make, jointly with my therapist this week, but I thought it might be nice to get thoughts from others on this. I am a runner...have been for a long time...but about several years ago had knee injuries that kept me from running for three years. A few years ago I started running again, but that's when my ED got bad too. Now I am considering training for a half-marathon (I've done distance like this before) with a non-profit group. I guess I am wondering if having a goal like this is consistent with recovering from the ED or is it counter-productive to recovery? I'm kind of torn...I'm excited that I might be allowed to do this, yet at the same time I fear that I'll use this training as an avenue to maintain control of my caloric intake and expenditures. I guess I won't really know until I start trying, but any thoughts on this might be nice as I make this decision this week. Thanks!

Hugs,
so_cal_runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:07am

It sounds like a very tough decision to make, So Cal.


May I ask if it is the running in general or something more specific that triggers your ED? Perhaps you can make a deal with yourself? You can go running but under certain conditions that you make yourself? Keep a journal during this time to monitor how you are doing and feeling.


The good cause can be a motivator for you to keep on track (no pun intended, honest lol) and to abide by the conditions that you'd set forth to make sure that you keep the ED in check and have healthy eating habits during your training. It might also be a good way to break some patterns, though you probably have to prepare yourself for some turbulent times. I've set myself some difficult goals in the past, knowing that something might or will be triggering. Knowing what my triggers were helped, as well as keeping an eye out for thoughts and behaviour patterns that were negative. Being honest with myself that it was going to be a difficult goal was good - I didn't set myself up for failure by thinking that the project I was undertaking was simple and without obstacles.


Doing this with the support of your therapist is also very good - you'll have someone with whom to talk to about any difficulties you encounter, as well as someone who is looking out for you, maybe signaling at signs that you've overlooked.


Good luck with your decision, So Cal! I hope you'll tell us what you've decided to do. We'll support you 100% in whatever path you decide to take.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 11:37am

Hi so_cal,


It sounds like you've gained a lot of insight lately.


Why not make a plan for success?


Oboy, :::groan::: I just thought of a really bad analogy.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 3:39pm

Poppy & Diana...thanks! These are really good suggestions and things to think about. Poppy, in response to your question, running is something I love to do and actually the ED really gets in the way of it. I don't necessarily use running as the ED, nor did it trigger it directly, but it feeds into it...if that makes sense. I already train comparable to a schedule of a half-marathoner, but I am not the most diligent about eating enough to replenish the calories I burn running and doing other forms of cross-training. So, I have been on a cycle of exercising & restricting, getting injured temporarily, having to cut back on exercise and re-fuel for a few weeks, and then the cycle starts over again. Having the 'raising-money-for-a-charity' and 'half-marathon-distance' goals, and a group of people training together towards the same goals may help...if only I am willing to push past the voices in my head that tell me I don't deserve to eat this, that or the other thing. I know that if I don't get past that, I will hurt my knee again, end up with shin splints and possibly a stress fracture, and then have to stop training. Diana, your de-bug analogy was great, funny & silly, but great. I just don't know if I am in tune with myself enough to write the program...well, at least not this week or last week. During my stronger weeks I think I could, but sticking to it during the hard weeks would be quite a challenge.

I don't know...I am still torn. But, the informational meeting is tomorrow and then my T wants to work with me on making the decision on Wednesday. I've considered bringing the question to my group therapy too, but I hesitate because I feel like they would say it's a bad idea....maybe that's a sign....I don't know. Anyway, thanks again and sorry for the long, rambling message!

Love,
so_cal_RUNNER ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 11:21pm

Love,
so_cal_RUNNER ???

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 11:36pm
Exactly!!!! I'm glad my sense of humor comes through in writing and punctuation :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 1:50am

Ah yes... the battle of the voices. Sigh. I used to have a daily war of the voices a couple of years ago when I had severe anxiety attacks two to three times a week. Right now the voice are bickering only lol.


Having a goal is good, because you can use it as a means to shush the negative voices. You can make a contract with yourself, allowing yourself to do the half marathon on condition that you take care of your overall health, follow a healthy diet that will allowing your to replenish, etc., etc.


It's a difficult decision, So Cal, but once in a while we need to have a difficult challenge.


Tell us what you've decided! I envy that you can run... my knees are too wonky!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 1:51pm

I'm glad my sense of humor comes through in writing and punctuation :-)

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 12:32am

Thanks Poppy. So, I went to the informational meeting, initially with the goal of coming away from it with a list of reasons about how I can make this work for me. But, after going to the meeting, I actually have some real reservations. The first being that training for an event like this is taxing on the body (I've trained for both a marathon and a triathalon in the past), and although I sometimes *feel fat* and *see fat* (that I am told isn't there) I do know that I don't have a whole lot of reserves to fall back on as I push my body to the limit. I was also a bit taken aback when the coach for the team was selling the burning-fat and losing weight concept as part of the training. If I were to have either of those happen, I'd have a treatment team that wouldn't be very supportive of my decision to participate in training. I also realized that there may be lots of chatter around me about the weight everyone's losing from training, which might be kind of triggering. On the plus side though, if I can put those things behind me, participating would be channeling the energy and time I already spend running and working out towards a great cause...raising money for cancer research. Tomorrow evening I'll have the opportunity to talk about it more with my therapist, which will be good. But for tonight, I am surprised that I actually saw the situation as potentially more triggering than I intially thought. I guess I don't know if that's progress or my ED holding on because I don't want to commit to eating enough to making my half-marathon dream a reality??? Anyway, thanks again to you and Diana for posing some questions that help me carefully consider this!

Hugs,
so_cal_Runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 7:55am

Good for you for seeing the situation as it is, and how it might influence you. Trust your gut reaction, So Cal.


I am not a runner, but I can't imagine people wanting to run a half-marathon or a marathon to lose weight. I can't imagine that a serious coach who peddle fat-burning and weight loss. If that is the primary goal for these people, then I would stay away. Why? Because you are already approaching this from very different places. You do it for the love of running, and I think that you would thrive with other people who love to run as much as you do, and who can help you through with issues that will surface during training. You need to be with serious athletes, So Cal, people understand and respect their bodies, and take running seriously. Are there no other teams that you can join?


Okay, that's my 2 cents. I bet your session tomorrow is going to be very interesting!


Good luck on making your decision!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 1:15pm

My vote is that it is progress, so_cal_Runner


I take it the one cap means that you're considering your options --


Let us know what happens with your T!


 

 

~Diana~