hoping to find some help here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
hoping to find some help here...
6
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 2:37am

Hi Everyone,
I'll try to keep this as brief as possible...
To start off, I'm 21, in college full time (5 courses) and I work about 20-25 hours a week in an office. I do alot of walking on campus 5 days a week, take the steps as opposed to the elevators. I also work out 5-6 days a week, doing the Elliptical usually, but sometimes the treadmill instead, for 15-25 minutes and light weights sometimes...not a fan of weightlighting so I tend to avoid it.
In high school I had an eating disorder and was hospitalized for it for over a month. At 5'5, my weight at it's lowest was in the low/mid nineties. I was cleared medically and feel that it's behind me. I'm now around 115 lbs (5'5).
My problem now is the fact that I basically go through phases when I'm not hungry at all. I know everyone has days like this, but it goes on for more than a few days. I literally do not get hungry and could go without eating. I know this is bad and dangerous, so I try to force myself to eat anyway, but afterwards I'll feel bloated and over-full, like I just ate Thanksgiving (even if it was something small.) It's this feeling that really bothers me and makes it too easy to just not eat, hoping that eventually I'll just get hungry. If I step on the scale, it will say that I've gained weight; even if I'm not eating that much and not hungry at all.
This bothers me for several reasons - one, I like to eat! But I don't like to feel bloated and so full afterwards and I don't like forcing myself to eat. I'd rather enjoy it! Second, I don't really want to gain weight, but I also don't want to not eat.
My eating habits at this point in my life are probably less-than-healthy. Conveniance is usually the name of the game, but I do still try to keep it as healthy as possible. And I must say that ice cream is a daily indulgence. Due to lack of time, there's no such thing as regular meals. I eat breakfast and lunch everyday, dinner not so much.
I said I was going to keep this brief, so I'm sorry! Any words of wisdom/advice/help/etc...would be highly appreciated. I don't have time/money to see a nutritionist right now. Not having an appetite and hating to force myself to eat is just no fun and it goes on for too long. Thanks everyone. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 12:17pm

hi livelaughlove! welcome to the board!

wow...you have a lot going on in life! you sound like you keep yourself pretty busy, and finding time to have quality meals must be kind of tough with the schedule you keep. it's good you've been through treatment before because you are probably somewhat in touch with what triggers your ED and this can help you be in tune with some of your own warning signs that the ED may be coming back. are you working with a therapist or in touch with anyone from your treatment team from high school? do you ever have "tune-ups" or check in with your treatment team from the past? i used to check in with my therapist, about once a year, even when i was doing well. it was validation that i was on the right track. it also made it easy to resume meeting with her when i was struggling with something.

you mention that you don't have the time/money to see a nutritionist right now. are there resources on campus? most colleges have a health center, and there's usually therapists within the health center. if i recall, my university had lots of resources about helping people with EDs. it may be good (and worth taking a little bit of time amidst your busy schedule) to make your health a priority and check into these resources. i know it's tough, and while we can definitely be a supportive community here on this board for you, it would be great to have an in-person resource to check in with periodically.

i hope these suggestions are okay with you. and, this board is a great place to come and share your thoughts, experiences and get support as you continue towards full recovery from your ED.

hugs to you,
so_cal_runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 12:50pm

Hello livelaughlove, a warm welcome to you!


Gosh that brings back memories.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 2:56pm
I just wanted to say welcome to the board! I'm new here, too. I'm also in college, although I'm about to graduate soon, and then I'm heading on to grad school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 1:18am

Hi there,


I'd also like to welcome you to the board. You've been given a lot of really great insight and suggestions so there's really

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 3:32pm

Hey!

Welcome to the board! This is my first post on this area of the boards, as I just found it and don't know how I missed it!

I am 20 years old and suffered from bulimia for a long time. It consumed my world and I thought I would never be able to get rid of it. Thankfully, through a lot of rehab and nutritionists, I was able too.

It has been a year since I have been healed and I still go through phases where I am just not able to eat. This usually happens for the length of a week. I just cannot eat. The thought of food makes me sick and I feel sick, like you said, if I do eat. I think it is part of your bodies healing process and some of the traits of eating disorders I think remain with you forever.

For the first couple of months after I began getting conseling and help for bulimia I could not keep food down. Everytime I ate, I threw up. I wasn't even trying to at that point but my body was so used to rejecting food that it couldn't stop. My doctor said that I had burnt part of my esphoigus (SP?) off from the stomach acids that I threw up with the duration of having bulimia. I had to take special medications that helped it to heal so I could keep food down.

I also find that whenever I get upset, even today, I throw up. Not because I try to just because I do. Whenever me and my fiancee have a fight, I find myself getting sick without trying. I have no idea why, the Dr. said I may just be stuck dealing with the "after" symptoms of having an ED.

When I went to a nutritionist she told me each week to try and plan a meal calender, weekly. She said the do a chart of what my meals would be. Then, I was supposed to keep a journal of what I actually ate throughout the day to see if I was getting to proper nutrients.

The nutritionist also said to eat your meals slowly! She said that was very important! Your stomach will fill up quickly if you gobble everything down in 5 minutes.

Please keep us posted and goodluck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:18pm

Hi there cutiebatooty, and welcome to the board.

 

 

~Diana~