So Cal Runner?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
So Cal Runner?
10
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:05pm

You've been in my thoughts! How are you doing?


Hope this finds you well, my friend.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 9:30am

Yooooo hooooooooooo!!!

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 5:27pm

Thanks for the messages, Poppy & Diana. Sorry I've been MIA for a while. I felt like I needed to step back from the Boards a bit as I worked a few things out... like my priorities, processing through repressed memories that have surfaced, and evaluating where I am with my recovery. Priorities are back in check... I have been extremely successful at meeting some hard deadlines at work, I've had some quality time with my husband, I've gotten back in touch with girlfriends I missed lots, and I've done LOTS of thinking about my recovery.

Updates... I decided to hold off training for the half-marathon. When it came down to it, I realized I wasn't willing to give up my ED behaviors enough in order to commit to training. Training is also so hard on the body and I didn't feel like I was going in with the strength that I needed to tax my body with more intense workouts. This led to self-evaluation about why I was "stuck" and wanting to hold onto the behaviors. I feel like I am in a rut and I need to try out a different approach to treatment. So, I thought lots about it, talked to the leaders and members of the ED group I joined a few months ago (which is one of the most helpful things I think I've ever done), and I set up a strategy to change things up a bit. Funny thing about being in a group - they are holding me accountable to making the changes. Scary but good.

So the big change is that I am going to take a break from working with my current T (whom I've been seeing for a VERY long time) and start working with a dietician (who is one of the leaders of the ED group). I am really nervous, as tomorrow I tell my T I want to take a break and Wednesday I meet with the RD. I feel like I am walking away from one of my biggest supporters (T), but at the same time I don't feel like it's helping anymore on the ED front. I know that this change will be hard, but I feel like I need to be knocked out of my comfort zone. What's scary is that if things are hard or I need extra support, I am taking a break from the T that has been that extra support for me in life (like the repressed memories). So, overall it's a good change, but at the same time it feels like a leap into the unknown.

Anyway, sorry for the long message, but that's pretty much the update on where I've been and what's been going on for the last month or so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 4:30pm

You've made tremendous progress, so cal!


Could you

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
In reply to: libelulle
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:38am

Wow - you've really taken more than a few steps since we last talked here, So Cal.


You are completely right that we sometimes need to step back from the board in order to rethink and work things out. I am just so impressed with the decisions that you've made, and also with the tone of your voice (ok, writing). You sound very calm and grounded, informed - all very good signs.


I have faith in you, and that you can do this!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:00am

Maybe if so cal sees this, she can see that she's come a long way.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:14pm

Thanks for the encouragement Poppy & Diana. Sometimes it is hard to see progress. It continues to surprise me how confusing it is to have an ED. While I can trust myself and my judgement in so many areas of my life (career, instincts, friend choices, etc.), it's amazing that I am called into question about opinions of myself related to this ED. It's been a tough week all the way around, so hearing encouraging words right now is good. Thanks again!

Love,
so_cal_runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:27am

So... a bit of an update... since I didn't have the strength to write last week. When I talked with my T about the "rut" she didn't quite take it in the way I intended. She was ready to get my GP involved when she asked about some of my "symptoms" and wanted weekly weigh-ins and monthly blood results. I feel pretty strongly that this isn't necessary, so I suggested that I had another idea in meeting with an RD (who can provide some of that security to her) and after some thought on her end she agreed... but she made it pretty clear that she expected me to continue coming to see her. So, while my intent was to step back and re-evaluate and figure out next steps while meeting with the RD, I am suddenly in a situation where I have to meet with both regularly. How did this happen!?!?! Sorry... just venting... as my plan has backfired on me!

Anyway, the meetings with the RD have been good, and I think working with her will be a great next step. It'll also add depth to the group T experience, which has been so helpful. So, that's really what's been going on. There's lots of emotions in all of this (confusion and doubt being the strongest of those emotions), and last week I just didn't have the strength to put it down in writing that things seem to be spiraling out of my control. Hope that's okay...

Thanks again for your encouragement! Hugs to you and Poppy!

Love,
so_cal_runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:31pm

Of course that's ok (((so_cal)))


I feel dumb right now, what does RD stand for?

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 4:16pm
Thanks, Diana. RD is registered dietician. And, thanks for the gentle reminders - they're important. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: libelulle
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 9:40pm

Thanks, so cal, I was thinking resident director, resident doctor, ... how dumb of me not to think registered dietician.

 

 

~Diana~