haven't been here in long time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
haven't been here in long time...
6
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 4:01pm

Hi... It's been an eternity since I last posted here.

I have a hx of bulimia... it's kind of an on again off again type thing.
My other issues... hx of major PPD after my now 4 year old daughter was born. The PPD turned into major depression/anxiety. To add to that I also have major PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder... think PMS times a million) which has progressively become worse, and then last winter I was dx'd with BPD (borderline personality disorder). Oh, and my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate... so that makes life even a bit more stressful, being that she is in constant need of surgeries. She just turned 4 on 6/13 and has 6 surgeries under her belt so far. There are also a couple of other issues going on in my life that make things harder as well.

Anyway...

I have been doing okay (just okay) where the ED is concerned. I have had bouts of purging, especially during the really upsetting times, last week was a doozy, I purged 4 times, I think. Something on Friday really sent me over the edge, a comment that DH made (out of pure stupidity), I haven't talked about it with him, don't want to, but he knew that I was totally upset over it. I left the house after telling him that he just lost his wife. :( I drove around in tears, totally aimlessly, wondering what to do. I was so hurt, so bewildered. I had my cell phone, so I called a crisis line, then called the psych ward at the hospital where I was a couple of times, and talked to a nurse. I was just bawling, and felt so low. She urged me to come in and be evaluated, just to talk to someone. So, I did... thankfully they didn't admit me.

I'm making a long story longer here, so sorry about that.
The point of me posting here is this... I haven't had a thing to eat since noon-ish on Friday. It's been, oh, say, 76 hours? I am fighting the urge to eat... avoiding it like the plague. I have made a few great meals for my husband and kids... and I'm telling myself that I am NOT going to eat, that I'm going to be able to do this. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that it's so very WRONG WRONG WRONG, but it's really winning over me now, I have noticed that it's a bit easier now NOT to eat. :( I'm now cooking dinner... it smells so very good, and I am just dying inside, because I know that I'm not going to eat it.

Now, mind you, DH doesn't even know that I went to the ER on Friday. We've been going on as if nothing even happened that evening. I can't bring myself to say anything to him. Life goes on...

PMDD is slowly hitting... so that doesn't make things easier.

Vida

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 1:52am

(((manoangeliukai)))


Yes I remember you from past posts.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:19am

Hi... thanks for responding... and for remembering me. It's been so long.

You have PMDD? I am so sorry. I'm glad that you have had an easier time with it lately, though, that's a good thing. Mine has been progressively becoming worse, and sometimes I really just want to give up. :(

I see my therapist weekly, normally on Thursdays. I called him Monday AM and begged to be seen earlier if possible... told him about the ER trip... and he is really concerned. I admitted to him that I haven't eaten. Couldn't get in yesterday, but hoping that possibly today will work out... I'm HOPING that someone cancels. I'm desperate. I'll see my psych on Friday.

Vida

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 7:12pm

I hope you got

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:29pm

No therapist yet. :( No cancellations... I have a feeling that I will just have to wait til Thursday, which really stinks, b/c I really need him NOW. (that's the bpd part of me talking...)

Not doing well with the eating at all... or should I say not eating...

I called my therapist and left a message earlier telling him that I'm ready to break. This is so hard for me. :( I didn't think that this would happen again... not this badly.

V

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:21pm

Hi Vida,


Hang on, only one

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 2:23pm

For what it's worth, I thought I had PMDD and then I got an IUD, the 5 yr kind with progesterone, and it made my periods basically non-exsitant - which took away the majority of my PMS symptoms including the emotional side.

BL