arr! I *was* doing better (*trigs!!!*)
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| Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:54pm |
for like a week I was eating pretty well, for me any way. I was eating at least one meal, some times two, a day, and snacks of fruit or something a couple times a day. Which was a major improvement. Even got my weight to 98 lbs. But yeah, now Im back down to what I was before. Eating a little snack here and there, mostly fruit, sometimes a few crackers with cheese and drinking pretty much only water, lost a few pounds.
Its so frustrating. I WANT to be healthy, but I dont want to loose that controle I guess. My weight is somehting that makes me feel good about myself, I like it when people tell me "omg your so little". I dont feel that Im pretty or anything good, so being small is all I have.
UGH!!! Im not sure why Im posting this, I guess its just nice to get it out, ya know? Not many people know about this, and those who do dont really understand I guess.
Well thanks for reading, take care everyone!


As I was reading your msg, I felt like I could totally relate. I am going through the same thing right now. It's like... everything is so crazy with summer classes and working full time (I'am a full time college student) that I feel like I am losing control of my life. And eating is like the only thing that I feel like I can control. I WANT to be healthy, just like you were saying... but at the same time I dont want to lose that control. When you were saying how you like when ppl comment on how thin you are... it's the same for me... a part of me gets so excited when someone talks about how thin I am... even though deep down i know it's not really a good thing. I am trying really hard to get better and to separate from my obsession with controling my food intake. But it is soooo hard. I just wanted to respond to this so you would know that you are not alone in this battle... i am right here with you. I wish I could offer you some answers but I am in the same boat you are. I AM getting better though and I think if you make an honest effort to improve your diet then you will get a lot of satisfaction knowing you are healing... both inside and out.
~~~NICHOLE
Hi There,
I know how you feel but nobody can take away the few days that you DID eat good. Maybe next time it will be a few more days or one more day. The important thing is that you WANT to get better and you know what you are doing is not really healthy. You are also aware of the fact that it has to do with control. If you keep working on your recovery things will eventually fall into place. You didn't get where you are overnight so you won't recover overnight. I know that's what we all want, but there are lessons that need to be learned that you can only learn in the process.
Keep working it and you'll get there and try to be kind to yourself.
Love,
Kristina
Hi there Kristina, & welcome to the ed board, or welcome back -- I feel I know your sn from somewhere & looked back through the posts ... probably another board!
~Diana~