Need help helping a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Need help helping a friend
4
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 1:47pm
Hi, I'm new to this board. I was wondering if anyone could help me. My best friend is coming to live with me and my DH at the end of the month due to financial stress and a bad family situation. Although we both agreed to *never* have roomates in our house, I think this is an extreme case and she has nobody else to turn to. I'm actually pretty excited about it b/c I miss her. She has severe anxiety and is anorexic. Infact, she's been anorexic for about 10 years now, with a 1 year period where she went to a facility that *cured* her for about a year until her anxiety took over and she fell back into the same pattern again. She just told me she weighs 85 pounds and she is about 5'5". She knows not to weigh herself or measure her food, but it sounds like she's gone back to that again. I'm really scared for her and I don't know how I can help. She talks to me about it sometimes, but I don't want to say "well, you just need to ________". I just listen to her when she talks and encourage her as much as possible. She does good when we eat together and I'll overstock items I know she'll eat. She is afraid to buy too many groceries at once so I hide things in small quantities so she doesn't get overwhelmed. She is very broke and I'm pretty broke myself and her parents will not help at all. Do you know if there is any help available for her, or if there is any kind of government assistance or financial aid for someone like her? She just graduated college and is in a lot of debt with her car payment, apparenment, and student loans. If I had money I would send her to the best treatment facility I could find- but I don't. I live in NC. If she could afford it she would be willing to get treatment right now. I'm worried about her b/c last year she was coughing up blood and had some heart problems, and although she is not having them now, I'm afraid it will come back. Does anyone have any advice??
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:02pm

Hi acacia and welcome! Wow, what an amazing friend you are to welcome your friend into your home. If she is going to be living with you, I highly recommend you check out www.somethingfishy.org. There's a section of the website devoted to "Helping Loved Ones." That would be a great starting place for you and your husband so you know how best to help your friend as she goes through the ED. And, if your friend doesn't know about the site, I suggest you share it with her too. There are so many helpful resources on the site, including listings about treatment options and treatment finders. From what I understand lots of treatment providers offer "sliding scales" for payment...I think that means reduced rates for those with financial need. This board is great too for posting questions, ideas, thoughts and getting general feedback.

Best of luck to all three of you, and feel free to post here with any questions or reflections you have!

Love,
so_cal_runner

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 2:54am

Hi there, acacia and welcome to the ed board.


Ditto to everything so cal has said, the fishy site is great for ed people and their loved ones.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 12:26pm
Thanks for the input both of you :) I really appreciate it. I know the situation will be stressful and my dh is okay with that. It is also a temporary situation just until she saves up enough money to pay her dad back (a small amount) and secure enough for a deposit on an appartment. Maybe for 2 months. The situation at home is a verbally abusive one. Her mother constantly criticizes her, and her father verbally abuses her in the most terrible way. He treats her with hatred b/c he hates himself. I know her family pretty well and its complicated. He loaned her a small amount of money to put a deposit on an appartment and he calls her everyday to remind her that she owes him money. She can't handle the stress of being in debt- especially to her father. She is able to work and she has wonderful references. Despite the pain in her life she is able to soothe others in pain. Infact, if it weren't for her appearance most people would not know she had a problem. She talks about it sometimes with me. She told me on the phone that she knows she doesn't look good and sometimes she is scared. She said she hates herself and sometimes she just wants to disappear. She is very honest with me and I'm very open to her. In college we would eat all our meals together b/c she eats better if she has a "date". When she was coughing up blood, I encouraged her to go to a hospital right away and she did. Now, she still knows that she needs help, and she would gladly get treatment if she could afford it. I will look into some local resources right away for her. Just a note about the medical expenses....if she had to go to the hospital here, they would look at her income and bank account and waive all the medical fees. In this county if you cannot afford to pay your bill, the hospital waives that fee. Anway, thanks for the advice and thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 2:06pm

Oh what good news this is.

 

 

~Diana~