Ok, this is dumb, but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Ok, this is dumb, but...
10
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 7:21am

I'm sure you "guys" will understand.

Last night we had a "new parent orientation" at school- parents come to meet the teachers, learn about policies/procedures at school, etc. Well, all of the teachers/staff are there (private school, there were about 20 of us there last night). One of the staff members is returning after a two year break. She and I had seen eachother on and off while she was gone but it has probably been about 6 months since we've seen eachother. Well, everyone was saying their "hellos" before the meeting started and I run into this woman just before a parent (who I haven't seen in over a year) interrupts. The staff member gives me a hug and says "wow...um, gee, you're so, skinny, I just want to eat something for you! Are you done losing weight yet?" She then says "I mean you look great, but, really, I just want to eat something for you!" Ok, how does one respond to that??? In front of a parent??? At a private school (that is viewed as exclusive by some)? Fortunately, the parent didn't say anything about my weight and just started talking about my kids and then the meeting started so the staff member didn't have time to talk to me anymore and I didn't have the opportunity to respond the comment (which is good because I couldn't think of a reply). So, that made the evening a little interesting.

Not that this was very exciting, but I just needed to get that "off my chest". I guess my weight loss is pretty dramatic to people who haven't seen me in a while and I just don't realize it. They are shocked, but I still don't even really see myself as skinny (sadly, right now I'm struggling with seeing myself as getting fat).

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. Take care.

Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 7:00pm

Hi Peg,

I'd say, it's probably a compliment 99.9% of the time to a woman to be called 'skinny'.

Congratulations, although I hope you are healthy as well as happy. I, myself, have struggled with countless diets and probably experienced the entire gamut by this time in my life.

I must say, it feels great when you're in control, but the self-esteem is highly-affected when you're not. I'm doing well now, but "doing well" means entirely different things, given the victim vs. the outsider. I've somehow always been able to pull through, remained healthy - gawd only knows how; at times, I lose a stone and regain it the following month, only to lose it again the next.

I hope your situation does not call too much attention, especially when it comes to kids. There are way too many children being affected by looks and weight concerns, and seeing someone they admire receive attention for it may not be a healthy thing.

Good luck to you...

K XOXOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:05pm

K-

Hi! Yes, typically, being called skinny is a compliment. I've always been thin, so losing weight is an issue for me and a shock to people who haven't seen me for a while (and many who see me every day). I started to lose weight last Sept. due to a medical condition (lupus) and party due to taking care of my ill MIL. I have gradually lost 28lbs since then. Very little of it has been "intentional". I did go through a time, recently, that I was (and still am) being closely watched by my tdoc because she is concerned that this has now turned into an ED. I do not fit the criteria for anorexia but she has threatened to commit me involutarily under ED-NOS (it has turned into a control issue and a form of SI for me). In response to tdoc's "wake up call", I have made many changes in my life to try and stop losing weight. Now, some of the meds I am on cause weight loss and loss of appetite so it is quite a challenge. I force myself to eat 3 meals and usually try to remember to snack between meals or at least before bed so I don't lose any more weight. At this point, my goal is to not lose weight (and with an increase in one of my meds coming up, that is going to be a challenge, as it's the med that causes the most weight loss). Once I get my meds under control, I will change my goal to getting back on the weight chart for my height (I am underweight right now).

I have only lost about 4lbs since the end of school, so my loss is not anything that my students will even notice, nor their parents for that matter (I've seen many of them over the summer and none have said anything).

I am in constant contact with my tdoc and pdoc and I call my pcp with weight checks about once per month (voluntarily). I also have my rheumy and my gastroenterologist well informed of my weight- so I really don't have anywhere to "hide". That is my safety net. They all know that if I stop calling, there is a problem and I know that if I continue to lose weight, I will have a one way ticket to involuntary commitment to the psych ward...which was pretty much enough motivation for me to make all of these contacts and try to change my behaviors.

I ran into a problem with over exercising, but I have changed my routine and have been very strict about not over-doing it. I don't want to be hospitalized, I am working very hard to deal with the emotional issues that are surrounding my current ED. I have a husband and two beautiful children to take care of. I am dealing with a lot of issues- but, I'm getting better, and healthier, with the help of family, doctors and friends. I have also found the support on this board to be very helpful.

Thank you for your post.

Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 12:19am

Hi Peg,

Thanks very much for the post and further explanation of your condition. My apologies for not realising that your situation is so severe, and I may have overlooked the point of your initial post.

I admit, in my case, the eating behaviour has been self-induced. It's been self-induced and conscious, and sometimes quite possibly a form of SI as well. My shoes are not fun to be in, as it's a constant effort and attention to be paid, but your shoes sound much more uncomfortable.

I'm glad you are under such thorough doctor's care, and I'm glad you've become aware of such things as over-exercising and the like. I truly hope things continue to improve for you. You sound like a sweet person and very upbeat, and - like everyone - you deserve to be happy with yourself and your life.

Best of all... XOXOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 7:59am

No apology needed, really. When I reread my post, I realized that if people didn't "know" me, the post sounds a little vain. I also changed my log on so anyone who doesn't lurk or post regularly may not know my "story".

My situation didn't start out as serious but became serious even though I was not willing to see it (and often am not willing to see it yet). It's odd how, even when you are 5'10" tall wearing a size 2 and they are big, you can convince yourself that you are not too thin. The mind is an amazing thing.

I understand what you mean about this being a constant effort and needing constant attention. My shoes are only as uncomfortable as I make them, really. Some days they fit quite well, some days I make them way too big to fill.

I was forced into the doctor's care with the lupus and the tdoc pretty much woke me up to the fact that I was over-exercising. That became my form of purging. But, I've really tried to raise my awareness level to help myself. My life was pretty much spiraling downward very quickly and my family was paying a heavy price. I needed to make some changes. Right now, I am doing it for them. Some day, I will be able to do it for me.

It sounds like you have a healthy awareness of your situation. I believe that is the first step of recovery, as you cannot fix what you don't admit to. I hope that you have a support system that works for you and allows you the growth and healing you need to be well. We all are deserving of the best in life and we all are worthy and deserving of love and happiness: from ourselves first and foremost (this is hardest for me) and from others.

I enjoy talking to people here and sharing. To me, it is a form of therapy. It seems as though we may share a few things in common and I would love to chat with you again.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 9:11am

Hi Peg,


Well what I think is, the ignorance of that staffer.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:33am

Hi there,


Just checkin' up on ya :)

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:28pm
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Edited 9/13/2009 1:36 pm ET by alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:52pm

Hey Diana,

I just got back from vacation and prior to that I've just been kind of quiet. If I have to be honest, I'm not doing all that great right now. I know I'll turn myself around again, I've just made a few really unhealthy choices and I need to "find my way back". I called pdoc yesterday when I got back from vacation and asked to make a med adjustment. He called back today and approved the adjustment, so hopefully that will help with some of the problem. I only offered him the least amount of info I needed to get the med increase (which is not good) so hopefully I will fess up to tdoc next week (although I'm seriously thinking of cancelling the appointment), or change my behavior by then. I almost called her today to let her know what's going on to force myself to change but I just couldn't do it. I know I can hide these problems for a while, that's the bad thing.

So, I just haven't been saying much because I'm not really in a position to offer many words of wisdom. I read almost daily but I'm in a place that I don't think my words would be helpful to anyone.

Thanks for thinking about me. I've been wanting to email you but I didn't want to be a pest; I've been hoping all is well with you and that you are in a good place with your healing process.

Hugs,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:11pm

Hi Allie,

Thanks for your post, it is helpful.

Some day, I will be able to do things for myself. I'm working on things like that in therapy (there's a lot of issues around that from childhood). Right now, I've kind of slipped a little but I'll get back to where I was. I just had my bupropion (generic wellbutrin) increased so hopefully that will help me out some. Even though right now I'm making poor choices and don't really care, deep down I want to get better; I just have to get my brain chemistry back on track so I can get better.

I understand what you were saying about rescue fantasies. I kept reporting my weight to my tdoc and almost begging her to tell me what to do just because I wanted her to take charge and rescue me- I didn't want to do it for myself. She, on the other hand, refused to do anything (although she would have put me i/p if I didn't change my ways-she wouldn't let me hurt myself) and basically forced me to rescue myself. So, in a way, I have been doing some of this for myself and not all for my family.

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better and wanting to improve. I hope you continue on your path to health!

Thanks again for your support.

Hugs,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 9:56am

LOL, a "pest" huh.

 

 

~Diana~