What to do??
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What to do??
| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 1:06pm |
Hi all!!
I've been in therapy for nearly a year for my eating disorder. The therapy has really helped me understand my problem; however, I still HAVE the problem. I am terrified to gain weight!! I've lost 21 lbs over the past year on WeightWatchers. However, I'm so scared to eat full meals AND I still purge from time to time. I don't even purge following a binge; I just purge if I feel like I've eaten something I shouldn't have eaten. I'm not sure what to do. People tell me that I look great; however, I still see an overweight person. I'm so scared to eat....I wish that I didn't have this irrational fear. I see other people eat and enjoy their food. I DON'T ENJOY MY FOOD. I only eat so that I can function (I work full time and I'm a Grad student). What can I do? I should be telling all this to my therapist. I don't want to be in therapy for the rest of my life.
I've been in therapy for nearly a year for my eating disorder. The therapy has really helped me understand my problem; however, I still HAVE the problem. I am terrified to gain weight!! I've lost 21 lbs over the past year on WeightWatchers. However, I'm so scared to eat full meals AND I still purge from time to time. I don't even purge following a binge; I just purge if I feel like I've eaten something I shouldn't have eaten. I'm not sure what to do. People tell me that I look great; however, I still see an overweight person. I'm so scared to eat....I wish that I didn't have this irrational fear. I see other people eat and enjoy their food. I DON'T ENJOY MY FOOD. I only eat so that I can function (I work full time and I'm a Grad student). What can I do? I should be telling all this to my therapist. I don't want to be in therapy for the rest of my life.

Hi:
I hope you don't mind me contacting you. Anyways here I go, I am a 23 year old female whom believes I am suffering from a combination of anorexia and Bulimia. I am 5 feet 7 inches 135 pounds. I am so scared to have a professional evaluation because then it would mean that I was right for 8 years and did nothing but continue the deadly cycle. I have been writing tons and tons of poetry to try to make sense of what I am doing. I am currently a senior at the University of Cincinnati who aspires to go to law school after I earn my B.A. in communications. I am a type A perfectionist who likes to be the best at everything she sets forth to accomplish or why else start it at all. Also my father passed away December 9th; I wish I could apologize for all the blow ups we had about my Anorexic/bulimic behaviors. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I would have listened to him and allowed him to help me instead of pushing him away.
I am currently in an emotional tug a war with a guy named Joe who doesn't know what he wants. I thought it was a good idea to tell him about my ED. I thought if I told him then I would be able to spare myself the pain that would occurr if he found out eleswhere. He keeps emailing and asking when he can take me to the movies but I don't know if he truly realizes what he is getting himself into. I don't want him to embark on this relationshipn out of pity. This may sound harsh but I don't need nor do I want a male to swoop in and save me I just want him to love and accept me for who I am. Here are some examples of poetry that I have written:
Around and Around
Around and around
we go through this
tangled web of misery.
Around and around
we go as I wonder
will my loved ones and I
ever be free from
this tangled web of misery?
Around and around we go
battling internal and external demons
in a quest for eternal freedom.
As I Awaken
As I awaken ready to conquer the verbal
prison filled with messages of
doubt,
confusion,
and manipulation
my internal voice from within says
Try, try as you might you will never
be powerful enough to reverse
my programming.
As I stand before you
As I stand before you
about to fall
I ask you
Why can't I stand tall?
As I stand before you
you quickly reply
you can't stand tall
because you are not small.
Try, Try as you might
to over power me tonight
for I will always be taller
Stronger and more powerful
than you will ever be.
So the next time you think
that you are strong
remember where you belong.
Run
Run, Run as fast
as you can
to burn the calories
that you just took in.
Run, Run as fast
as you can
you can not catch me
for I am faster and stronger
than you will ever be.
Try, try as you might
to out run me tonight
my internal voice once
said to me
but as you attempt
to catch me remember that
I will always be there to push
you to burn the extra calories
in order to be thin.
Sorry for such a lengthy email. Thanks for listening. I hope to hear from you soon.
~Krissy
Hi mali2579, and Welcome to the ED board!
I am so glad you came here.
~Diana~
Mali, you ok?
~Diana~