Should I be concerned about my 12 yo?
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| Mon, 09-25-2006 - 8:49am |
A bit of background first.....
I eat much better (healthier) than DH and DD and have been trying to get DD to make better food choices and eat more like me. Over the summer she gained a bit of weight (close to 15 lbs over 9 weeks) when she stayed with her father. They eat lots of carb heavy and fried foods and a 6 or 7 scoop icecream snack daily is not uncommon. Anyway she told me she is worried about getting "fat" when she came home and realized lots of her clothes didn't fit or were getting tight. She is almost 13 yrs old, 5ft 4in, and weighs about 120 lbs. On a typical day in the evening she will usually make a comment that she ate too much during the day and why did I let her eat all that stuff, etc....
Yesterday we were eating lunch and DH and DD were eating pasta and meatballs, a favorite for both of them. DD was on her second large plate full and about half way done with it when she said she was full. She kept eating though and was huffing and puffing with each forkful. I told her to stop eating if she was full and she said no she likes it. She said it tastes good and she wanted to finish it. I could see her forcing each bite and finally I leaned over told her she was done and tried to take the plate away from her and she actually tried to fight me over it by pulling it back towards her saying she wanted to finish it. She said I was mean for not letting her eat. I am telling you she was not eating because she was hungry. It almost looked like she was in pain eating so much but she was almost in tears when I took it away.
I don't want to have to lock up the food in the house to keep it away from her but if she is going to eat like that I will. She is always looking for something to snack on and if I say no to junk and offer something healthy she refuses. I have found candy wrappers in her room (she is not allowed to have candy in there) and have seen her sneak snacks from her 2 yr old sister!
I guess my biggest concern is that she is on her way to binge eating and purging since she feels so bad at the end of the day for eating so much. Also the fact that she is hiding food and sneaking it from a 2yr old concerns me too. I don't think I am overreacting but would like some perspective on it. Also some suggestions on what to do would be great. I am really worried about where this is headed.
TIA












Hi Michelle,
I think there are some things that need to be addressed. Enforcing strict and drastic measures such as locking up the fridge and the kitchen cupboards has a probability of backfiring. The message your daughter will be getting from you will be: I'm really too fat, and my mom doesn't like the way I look because I'm fat. It'll make her feel awful and not good enough for you in her eyes, and might actually make whatever eating tendencies she has - whether bad eating habits, emotional eating, or binging - worst. And if she does binge and feels bad about it and feels pressured because of it, it might also lead to purging down the road.
First of all, if she's not been a big eater before, you have to try to look at what might be the reasons she's eating more right now. Is it because she's turning to food for some sort of emotional compensation or emotional comfort? Is there anything worrying her? Is she wondering how the new baby will affect the family dynamics and in particular her relationship with you? Is she going through a hormonal surge? What about her relationship with her father?
I know that you are worried for your daughter, but you also have to try to look at your reaction. Your post was very strong, as was your reaction to your daughter's eating. Part of it is worry for your daughter, but part of it is also a reaction to something that your daughter's behaviour is triggering. It could also be that part of the reason why your daugher is turning to overeating is a reaction to your reaction.
Do you know that there's a compulsive overeating board? The CL's there are really great, too, and I think that you will also find a lot of information and
Michelle, I feel there is something going on with your dd.
~Diana~