recovery took an evil turn - help! trig

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
recovery took an evil turn - help! trig
1
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 11:30am
I am mortified to even admit this, but I must tell someone. AS I have mentioned before, I am in treatment for anorexia. I have been in counseling, seeing a medical doctor, and seeing a nutritionist since February. We have made great strides in determining where my ED came from, and I have all the tools available to me to recover. Well, I was moving along at an okay pace. I wasn't gaining much, but I was eating more. Well, my anorexia has morphed into a weird form of bulimia. When I want to eat something like cookie dough or peanut butter, I chew it up and spit it out. I don't swallow it. I only do this about once a week, and I KNOW it is not a good thing. But I have convinced myself that it isn't really harmful because I still eat my healthy meals and reserve this for only junk foods. I realize that this is still a problem, but I am trying to convince myself that it is okay. When I first started this last week, I was convinced that I had discovered the secret to eating what I wanted, but I know this is really just another manifestation of my ED. I don't know what to do. I am so ashamed of this behavior. I don't want to tell anyone!!!!! I guess I thought as I recovered, I would just eat normally, and now I am seeing that I have taken another route away from recovery. What do I do? Are their health consequences to this behavior like purging? Maybe that would convince me to stop. I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 12:39pm

kc8eaa!!!

 

 

~Diana~