did anyone watch THIN on HBO TRIGGER

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
did anyone watch THIN on HBO TRIGGER
9
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:53pm

I watched the documentary call thin last night on HBO
I wanted to watch it to gain some insight on ED's since I am the only one of my freinds who suffers not suffers but has food issues, So I wanted to see how others reacted to being around other people just like them.

So I watched it and thought these girls arent that sick, they arent that thin, they dont need to be there, and why cant I look like that??????
why cant I have that much will power to loose that much weight...I look at nicole richie and these other girls that are thin and I think my god I am a pig, why am I weak and they are so strong...

So last night I broke out the old measuring tape and measured my waste line it had grown...and I cried alot....I do not know my weight I do not own a scale..but am tempted to buy one cause that kept me in check..I go away to california next week and I am afriad no working out more food around me...no control...

But I also am not ready to let go and am not ready to stop trying to be perfect...I like being the small one, the fragile looking one, I like when people tell me that I am tiny, it makes me feel like my hard work has not gone un noticed and it makes me work harder...

I feel bad being at this board, cause everyone here seems like they want to get better and then you have me who does want others to be better, but I do not want myself to be better..does that make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 7:33pm

First of all, Erin, I totally get what you are saying. I can't tell you how many times during the course of my ED I have watched a show like that and thought, "Damn, why can't I just be like that." It was expecially bad during what I like to call "The Bulimia Years" when I thought if I had to have an ED why couldn't it be Anorexia. I wanted to be thinner so that I would have some room to gain in case I wanted to eat something "fun" one day. But having moved from "The Anorexia Years" into the "Bulimia Years" I was already into the next horrifying phase my eating disorder.

So, yes, you are not alone in thinking like that. And on some level you probably do want to help yourself to STOP THINKING LIKE THAT or you wouldn't be here posting on this board.
Don't feel so alone - God knows I did for a long, long time. There are so many women who have the same feelings and thoughts as you do. It just takes time and perseverance to realize that the anorexic mindset ("why can't I be thinner?" / "why can't I lose weight like her?") isn't a healthy one.

I hope I helped a little.

-- QGirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 9:44pm
I have felt this as well. I have talked to other people who are in the same boat. I agree with the first reply that one some level, you do want to get better since you're posting here. I hope you do... I know how it feels to like being "too skinny" or whatever. Listen, I am not your mother but you are aware that it's horribly unhealthy. Why don't you discuss your ED with your doctor and have a medical professional tell you what's up. That way there's no arguing inside your own mind. Be honest with them and maybe at the very least, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 12:00pm
I have spoken with a doctor gone into the renfrew center, and none of that helped.
The girls at the renfrew center would tell me, how when they are my age, they hope that they are as skinny as I am..
Plus all renfrew was interested in is getting oyu too eat and not the emotions and feelings behind the why you have the disorder..I purged everyday when I was there..its strange cause I was never one who binged I just purged and restricted.
I just feel that when you ask for help especially when you have something like this the ones you go to for help and pay for help should help you not just shove food down your throat and then when you cry just tell you to keep eating.
I have such an insane fear of being heavy and well this show made me see even more so that I am much heavier than mot people.
I want others who are in the same boat as me to get help and be better, but I really dont care when it comes to me.
I am not in therapy at the moment, the one therapist who was great stepped aside saying she did all she could for me and I need to move on and since then I have not found someone thatI clicked with..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 3:53pm

who has time for therapy!!
i know exactly how you feel. its so incredibly hard to not to always feel that RUSH of pleasure when someone tells you "oh you are so tiny" or "i wish i looked like you" or "how do you stay that skinny" and can i admit that i sometimes intentionally go looking for people to reassure me that i AM tiny and little and "cute"?...it makes me angry at myself, but i can't stop. and i don't think i really want to.
i think some of my problem is that i know i'm not as pretty as other girls, or that my breasts aren't as big, or that i can't afford to dress as nicely as they can....but there is ONE thing that i CAN do better than they can...i CAN be skinnier, and so thats what i do.
i watched THIN last night on HBO and i saw those girls and i was like, "why can't i be like that" why can't i be as skinny as they are? i have been skinnier than some of those girls, but i just can't seem to starve myself that much anymore...which, i suppose in the long run, is a good thing.
i don't know, i understand how you feel about NOT wanting to get better...if we let go and start eating will we become these huge tubs of lard? i tried to explain it to my husband last night about how if you are 30lbs underweight, you have 30lbs between you and being "fat" or you are 30lbs BETTER than that girl who is avg weight...if you are only 10lbs underweight...damn, that "fat" is a whole lot closer and to me, that is terrifying!
i'm proud that i am not as emaciated as i used to be (85lbs) and now i can do more of the things i like to do (where before i was too dizzy to do ANYTHING) but i don't think i'll ever be a "normal" weight or an "average" weight...or even a slightly "below average" weight...but i am a pretty darn healthy very skinny person and thats the way i'd like to stay...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 12:11pm
You just MAKE the time for things that are important. Therapy is vital to surviving this and overcoming it. Different things work for different people. Just take care of yourself. Being "cute, too thin" or whatever is not a reason to sacrifice you mental and physical well-being.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 1:37pm

Ladies, let's remember that we are all here becuase we do want to help each other get better. I was speaking with my nutrition counselor about THIN and she was appalled by what they showed. This program basically said, "Don't bother trying to get help because you'll never be healthy" and I think that HBO was extremely irresponsible for airing it the way they did.

The head psychologist at the place I go weekly had to have extra sessions with families to reassure them that NOT all treatment centers are like this and NOT all treatment is doomed to fail. What we have to remember is that there will always be a percentage of people that do not get better with treatment whether it is for an ED, an addiction, or cancer, for that matter. We need to concentrate on the positive and try to see that the women portrayed on THIN were at the extreme of unhealthy and that is what we are trying to move away from.

Ladies, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving and I know this is a difficult day for us so I hope you all have strength, love, and happiness in abundance to day.

-- QGirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Fri, 11-24-2006 - 12:37pm
THANK YOU. I was a little concerned at some of the posts I have been reading. This is a place for pure honesty, but it is also a place for healing. So yes, we NEED to discuss wanting to be thinner, even though we know we "shouldn't" feel that way, we need to discuss wanting to be the skinniest one because it is all part of our disorder and ignoring our true emotions just because they're what we are told is unhealthy won't make them go away. They will get worse. BUT we don't want to encourage each other to be back-peddaling. Let's be here for each other to help us get better and live happy, "normal" lives just meaning that we don't spend all of our time obsessing and get better.
Yes- I was terrified going into Thanksgiving! But I enjoyed the meal, ate my favorites, didn't restrict, didn't binge, and was able to focus on the company rather than the food so much. It was a little precarious, but I think I won that battle! (patting myself on the back)Hope everyone else had positive experiences as well, and if you didn't, go on and vent! Get it all out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 1:35pm

Good for you, lillylove!

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:00pm
Thank you, thank you! Hehehe. I have been free of and binges or purges in any form for almost 2 weeks and it feels amazing. I am still counting those calories and am excessively vigilant about what I am eating, but I am doing better. So I still am a little freaky with the food, andf get that guilt and anxiety but have been having a good stretch. I hope I can keep it up.
Thanks for the support!