My Best Friend Pushed Me Away*(Clean)*

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2006
My Best Friend Pushed Me Away*(Clean)*
1
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 2:12pm

my last message had some swears, so this is why i will repost it as clean as i can...

well, where do i begin???

i met this girl in high school(at the end of the school year, i just asked her a question in study hall, and we started talking in study hall more often...and more and more)...very quiet...shy...(the
exact opposite of me)...she was a freshman, i was a senior...we got to be so close...best friends...and we vowed just to be that...just friends...we always knew what happened when young kids get
together...too many things dont work out...i was the first boy she ever let into her life, and she was the first girl i ever let into my life. we told eachother everything...we had so much trust in
eachother...

this quiet girl(who was unknown by everyone, ever her close friends and family) opened up to me...told me so many secrets, about her self esteem, and her life...she told me she was thinking about
cutting intil i came into her life.

it was bittersweet...im glad i could help her out, and i was so glad i found a girl that could be my best friend, and we didnt have to feel pressured into anything we didnt want to do.

i spent the whole summer with her...she always asked me to come over to her house "as soon as i woke up" i was 18, she was 15.

but since the moment i met her, she was never satisfied with her body...(i told her i could care less what she looked like...i just wanted to be freinds) she is 5'9, and usued to weigh 209, when i
met her she weighed aobut 160...she talked aobut her goal weight to me all the time...117...although i had a feeling it wasnt a healthy lifestyle i wanted her to be happy...and i thought that would
make her happy...i always tried to tell her, if she wants to lose weight, she has to eat right...not starve herself...

i would encourage her...i figured she needed it...during the end of the summer, she was becoming very obsessive with the whole eating thing...she would look up pictures of girls with about 0% body
fat and just stare in awe...it really scared me...but i never said anything about it...

well, i went away to college, and hadnt seen her for a month...she sent me this long message...it was like she broke down...

"Okay. Do you know how bad it (*effing*) hurts to watch my thin beautiful sister walk around in my underwear like they are shorts? while my mom compliments her, and she thinks she is the next top model?
today is the last day im going to take this (*crap*).Bridgette gets all this attention from guys and then puts me down if she doesnt get it. And while she has a .boyfriend, she thinks guys are a piece of
(*crap*). i think me getting jealous so easily, is going to pay off. so im going to act as though the next three days are training. to get ready for the next weeks until my birthday. ill write down
everything i think and need to do. thinspo, is a great help. so im going to add photobucket as much as possible. and while my family and i go to boston for our vacation i will be sure to purchase a
nice sleeping cami. i am growing my hair out long also. im shooting for size 7 by january. why am i telling you this? bc your the only one on this (*effing*) earth that knows both sides of me.

btw i apologize for being "snappy". its called pms. ha"

a week later i told her i missed her...and that was it...she told me she didnt miss me...and i got upset and told her that she didnt need to say that, and it pisses me off when she is in bad moods
like this...since then...its been all downhill...

she hasnt talked to me since...she cut off all communications with me...

this wasnt my girlfriend...this was my BEST friend...what do you do when your best friend tells you she hates you, and never wants you to talk to her again????

i didnt eat for a week...so much has happened since then...my life isnt the same without my friend...

but i went home, and said enough is enough, and told her parents all about her eating disorder...just so they could help...since i couldnt...

she blocked me from her myspaces...(she had 2, one for her in town friends..one for her friends with ED...she gave me passwords to both...she gave me passwords to all her acocunts..and i gave her all
of mine too...i guess it was a trust things)
i never logged on to her myspace intil she cut off communication...she gave no reason, so i had to figure it out...

i read messages...she said i was never her friend...the whole summer was a lie...she hated me...

i also read where she admitted that she had an ED...that was enough for me...i had to tell her parents...

i was around her all summer, and the ED tore her apart...she was always so sad..i tried everything i could to get her mind off of it...basically we just tried to live the life of high school
teens...(no sex..we were both very self concious..and i didnt feel like pressuring such a young girl into that crap...i wanted to be ready when she was...)

but yeah...i miss her so much...im sorry for such a long story, but im writing from my heart...i need advice...support, anything...i miss her, and i love her for who she really is...not because of
her looks...(btw, she is soo beautiful, and i do belive that...i just wished she did...)i never told her what i thought of her looks...i didnt think it should matter...she told me she hated
compliments...

so yeah...advice, support...has anyone been in this situation....

i want to help her...but i cant

i dont want her to hate me...

i just want to go back to being friends...ahhh

anyway...i am doing a report on eating disorders for a class...i am reading up on them...just so i can learn as much as i can and what she is going through...

and her parents have confronted her about her ED(about a month after i told them) and she is seeing the therapist...and a nutritionist....and yes she is cutting...(how do i know this???sadly...i
still read some of the things she writes on myspace...ahh, i feel bad, but i cant help it...she is having soo much trouble...)

and im the only one who knows...besides her parents...i cant talk to anyone aobu this, cuz i cant tell them about her ED...no one knows her like i do....

please resond...thank you very much

again...sorry for the swearing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 2:50pm

Hi again, j.cirell,


Thanks so much for coming back.

 

 

~Diana~