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| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:51pm |
Hello, this is my first time posting. Very few people know that I have an eating disorder. I have been bulimic for over 10 years (not that anyone has professionally diagnosed me as such). I am sure that I am not as bad as some, but I wish I could be normal. I have tried seeing three different psychologists over the last 10 years, but I could tell right away that no one was experienced enough to know how to help. I have a pretty good idea of why I am the way I am, but I need to know how to fix it. I know there is no right answer but any tips would help. I just get by telling myself that this is the way it is for me. I am actually in a professional career. I give advice everyday to other people on how to fix their problems, but I myself feel as if I barely make it each day to work. People would be shocked to know that I am like this and it would probably really hurt my career. I live in a small town in Georgia and there are no community service groups to help w/ eating disorders. My health insurance doesn't cover any decent treatment even if available in this small town. I can't tell my doctors b/c I am afraid my insurance coverage will be dropped. Like I said, no one knows, but I think over the years, my body has really started to suffer. A lot of mornings I am in so much pain physically I don't know how I am going to make it to work, but I have to make it b/c I have clients who depend on me. I am always lying and coming up w/ excuses of why I wasn't somewhere on time or why I couldn't finish something. I hate the look on people's faces when I don't come through for them. I cancel on friends and my eating disorder contributed to the end of my 8 year marriage. It is so hard to get up each day and put a fake smile on your face. I hear friends making fun of people who are bulimic b/c of the image hollywood has put out. I hate to think that I am like this b/c of vanity. It is the only way I know how to deal w/ life's everyday pressures. I am not in charge. I would love to enjoy regular meals or to genuinely feel hunger again, but I am invisibly handicapped. However, no one sees a wheelchair or the cast on a broken limb. Each day I used to start off w/ the hope that this time I can beat the disorder, but I am no longer in that denial. It's there and it always will be.

Don't lose hope! I understand that it's so hard to pull yourself up when you are down but you've got to have faith that you can do this!
Try going to these websites. They will give you a link to docs who can treat someone with ED's.
www.something-fishy.org