How did i end up back on the other end.?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
How did i end up back on the other end.?
4
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 9:44pm
Hey.. first time poster here.. I started seeing a therapist this summer when my mother convinced me that my weight was dangerously low.. i just finished my first year of college when I got home and my family was quite surprised at my ever thinning body.. I have been obsessed with body image my whole life.. i used to be a compulsive overeater and i thought that once I learned to stop eating, that i was all better... no i just turned anorexic.. well. recently, since i have come back to school, I do eat... but now I am using food as a comfort.. in a way, i wish i could have the anorexic control again that made me feel so great... now i feel like I will never be able to be normal... i was doing so well once i learned that it was safe to feed my body... now my mind is constantly on food.. and how much weight I am gaining... i am so sick of thinking about it all the time... help.. anyone been on both ends of EDs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:31am
I would give anything to be on the anorexic side of my disorder. To be so thin and see every bone is a psychotic dream I have. I guess I am sicker than I thought! I just eat, and eat, and eat, and eat until I can't breathe and my heart races faster and faster! Help me too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:30pm
I could have written this myself. I was on the binge eating end of the eating disorder spectrum and really overweight for over a decade, and then when I entered my mid 20's, I seemed to go on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, and started skipping meals, counting calories, keeping them VERY low, and I got underweight. that went on for quite a while, now I am again turning to food for comfort and putting on weight, and wishing I could get my control back, but then reminding myself that I was out of control when I was starving, it just felt like I was in control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 5:21pm

some words of encouragement:

experiencing both ends can really be a beautiful thing. after being both anorexic and an compulsive eater has made me realize that neither side is a happy place to be. many people that only experience one side tend to think the anorexic side is a better place to be.. 'if only i had the control' has played in the heads of many overeaters... Fortunately, expericing both sides has taught me that either way, restricting or binging, I am using food as a means of coping with inner pain. This pain has some how been pushed deeep deep down in a way that I no longer allow it to be a feeling in me.. because I use food as a means of feeling pleasure. I know that when I have thought about food when I am not hungry, that is when I need to be kind to my true self and listen to what is really going on with my spirit. Most likely I am experiencing pain that needs to be felt in order to function rationaly. If I dont allow myself to feel that pain, I will not know how to address is properly in order to get healing. Food does not heal. Starving myself does not make me a better person either. Being concience to my both my body and my spirit is the only way we I can find freedom from this obsession. Eating only satisfies a hungry BODY... i am going to satisfy my heart when I am experiencing spiritual hunger pains such as loneliness, insecurity, heartbreak, stress... the only way to fix these deep feelings of pain is by addressing each one... I believe God puts those feelings in us for a reason. If food was meant to be a friend in lonely times, then food would make us satisfied when we are alone... we all know that this NEVER happens.. food never satisfies a lonely heart. One day at a time, lets try to listen to our hearts for spiritual hunger signals.. if you are lonely, call someone and tell them that you need someone right now! People care about you.. they really do.. they love helping people.. it makes them feel great too. Love is so healing and essential in recovery from eating disorders. Instead of looking for a box of cookies, look for love. It is so much more gratifying.

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:55am

Welcome to the board.


Yes I have definately been on all ends of the ED spectrum. My current dx is ED-NOS since a) I haven't lost

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