Need to confess- feeling horrible- help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Need to confess- feeling horrible- help
11
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:10am
Hello everyone.
I was doing so well; over 2 weeks and no binging or purging.
Then last night I came home from a fun evening out with friends and screwed everything up. After my bf went to bed, I finished off the last half of a pint of B&J low-fat frozen yogurt, a full-size Baby Ruth candy bar, finished off what was probably about 2 servings of those Quaker Multigrain mini rice cakes along with some peanut butter, a sugar-free pudding snack with a granola bar and some more peanut butter, 2 HUGE bowls of cereal, a few pretzels and I THINK that's everything because I was so full I almost threw up naturally. It hurt SO bad. I was not remotely hungry or anything. I did not purge so I felt pretty good about that. I just sucked it up and lived with it. I told myself it will not make me fat, just sick, angry and terribly sad, which I knew, and it did. I need to try to remember how horrible it feels after a binge and not do it, but the deamon takes over and I just have no control. It's like I'm not even there, just floating around eating everything that's not nailed down. SO then I cried to my dog and passed out on the couch only to wake up to a very worried boyfriend standing over me at 3am. He knew what I had done because I started eating the yogurt before he wenrt to sleep. That wasn't weird, but he saw me go for the candy bar on his way to bed and asked me to please please not over-eat and just finish watching the game and go right to bed. Yeah, I listened to that advice. Ha. Wish I had. I feel so dissapointed and angry at myself. Then I got mad at him because if he knew I might binge why didn't he stop me or stay up with me to watch me and that's just dumb. He got mad at me and told me I was an adult and had to start acting like one: self-control, taking responsibility for my own actions, etc. I totally tried to put it off on him. I worry he's getting tired of helping me in my recovery and everything, but I know he loves me and will be with me through thick and thin. I just was doing so well and I f'ed that up big time. Can some one give me some support?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 8:36pm
Absolutely. I didn't even think about that being a trigger, but I see it. This board has been great and I am happy to be a part of it. Thanks again!

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