bulemic and miserable

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
bulemic and miserable
11
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:17pm
Hi...I was told that this message board might be helpful. I've been bulemic for 8 years and I really need help. It started in university and I'm now 27 and a mother and I really want to stop. I'm a compulsive overeater. I binge and purge several times a day. I don't enjoy food at all anymore. I just try to eat it as fast as possible. I barely even chew. I'll eat everything in sight until my stomach is so distended that I look 6 months pregnant, then purge...all the while feeling completely disgusted and ashamed of myself. I told my fiancee...he's the only one who knows. I was hoping that he would be a support to me, but he seems to be pretending that nothing is happening (when I go to the bathroom and run water in the tub after every meal he knows what I'm doing, but he doesn't call me on it). I'm so embarassed to have this problem. I feel so weak and miserable. I am so afraid that I'll pass these issues on to my daughter if I don't get help.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 2:13pm

Hi Angel,


You realize something is wrong and that is so important. :)


Is any help available through your university? There are clinics and counselors that work with eating disorders, some even on a sliding scale fee.


~Hugs!~

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 6:33pm

Hi there,


Our loved ones are really the worst ones to try to help us, as far as doing the behaviors is concerned.


For them to be there for us as we uncover issues that are upsetting and make us feel vulnerable as we work on them ... this is more along the lines of how they can help.


We do have to learn to be self accountable.


I'd get a therapist and fast, one who you can be accountable to, but who is trained to help you deal with your issues.


 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 12:28am

I agree with Diana that sometimes the people closest to you are sometimes not the most helpful. They can feel like they are helpless because they - themselves do not know how to deal with the situation and/or don't completely understand the position you currently find yourself in. Seeing a therapist or going to a support group (like an Overeaters Anonymous meeting) can provide you the support you need to help you find the inner strength to fight your ED. The therapist and support group know the steps to a successful recovery.


The fact that you recognize that you have an issue you want to resolve

Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 10:21am

The reason that our loved ones are not the best help regarding the behaviors is that it is out of their realm of understanding, & that part needs to be left to professionals.

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 11:12pm

Welcome agelalily.


You have come to the right place. It is good that you have told someone. That is the first step in getting help. Reaching out to this group is the second. You are on your way! I know this may be hard to hear but don't expect your fiancee to understand (I read "those who don't have it don't understand it, those who do can't explain it"). Also he is not there to call you on it every time you purge. If you think that would be helpful then suggest it, but he won't know unless you do. On the other hand you could just tell him you purged and have that way to be accountable. I read one book that was for friends and family of those with eating disorders and it said that those around you shouldn't be made accountable for your behaviour and that it can trigger even more of the behaviour in defensiveness. If you feel that wouldn't happen then by all means have your fiancee hold you accountable. Maybe you can sit and talk about anything but food until the urge to purge passes. Ultimately you have to provide your fiancee with more information about eating disorders for one thing and two not expect him to "get it". Then you could find a counsellor together to help both you deal with how it affects your relationship. Also I'd like to add, if you've been with your current therapist for so long do you feel that you are making progress you should be seeing in that time? I'm not saying that eating disorder recovery is quick. It's not. They say the average recovery time is 7 years! I don't mean to berate your tdoc but it sounds to me that you are not seeing the results you would like to. That may be a failure of therapy or just higher expectations than can be achieved in that time. Don't be hard on yourself. We all have setbacks and slow recoveries but keep with it.


I hope something I said helped.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 3:02pm
Thanks...that really helped. I never realized how much I am resenting him after I purge because he never said anything or tried to stop me...but I am...and it's not his fault that I do this or his job to stop me. I know that he doesn't understand why I do this or what he should be doing...(I don't either). I guess we just need to talk about it more. Thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:31pm

I'm glad somebody here was able to help, angela, there are several great women with experience

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:52am
Definately keep the lines of communication open. The more he learns the better he will be able to deal with it and perhaps the more you talk to him the less you'll want to do it. Keep working on it. He may not be able to understand why you do the things you do but at least he can learn to accept that you have those feelings (and you have a right to them).

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 10:26am

How are you doing today, Angelalily?


 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 8:20pm
Hi...well, this weekend was kind of a bust. Yesterday, I was doing well, not thinking about food at all, then my fiancee criticized me (I totally overreacted...it was about GARBAGE BAGS). Anyways, then I binged on junk food and purged. Today, I purged after breakfast, then I thought I was doing a bit better and went Christmas shopping...then I got stressed about money and ate a bunch of fudge and cookies. After my fiancee left to go to his hockey game, I ate the rest of the cheesecake that was brought over for supper and purged after the baby was in bed. I didn't think that I was an emotional eater...but I really noticed this weekend that I overeat when I'm stressed out or upset. If I feel that Jason crticizes me at all or that he's upset with me, I binge. I guess it's a good thing that I recognized what some of my triggers are for overeating. I'm just glad the weekend is over :)
Angela

Pages