new & sad & frustrated & tired..trigger?
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| Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:19am |
Hi everyone....thoughts of mine below can be triggering perhaps?
I'm new visiting here. I suffer from an emotional eating disorder. It's been about 6 years of my being underweight. When I'm upset, I can very easily loose my appetite.
If I feel that burning in my stonache which indicates to me that I need food.....I still deny myself food. There are also times where all is fine in my life here & yet still I'll fix my family food & decide that it doesn't sound appealing to eat.
I'm not anorexic or bulemic....I don't like being so thin/skinny! I'm just scared at the fact that I can eat hardly anything all day long, maybe a snack & some Ensure plus & I'm good for the entire day!
I have been seeing an eating disorder therapist for 3 months now, but I still am struggling to eat 3 normal size meals plus maybe some snacks in between.
: ( I'm so sad I could cry & sleep & then wake up the next day just to cry some more & sleep some more...

Hi Hon,
I am going to quote some things you said~
"It's been about 6 years of my being underweight."
Okay, I do not know how underweight you are, and I am not asking you to share.
Hi Michele, thanks for responding. I'm not clear on what you're really saying though & what is EDNOS?
I see my therapist each Monday, I have indicated to my therapist about every nook & cranny about my eating & feelings. I keep nothing from her. She says retraining my body to get used to the amount of food I try to eat will take time....I'm so darn tired her!
It's hard work. Many times I don't FEEL like I'm hungry. It's easier to not eat than to make something to eat...& that's where it's work : (
Should'nt eating a meal be pleasurable? I told my therapist I think this whole eating thing started when I was 10 years old. My parents divorce was out of my control...but I had the control to use food when I FELT bad inside. My Dad started dating a women shortly after the divorce. That woman seemed to always be in the way of he & I's relationship. Eventually, I got used to it & kinda snapped out of my bad eating habit around 17-18 years old.
This all started again when life for my step-family here was very challenging. My husband & I fought quite a bit, I had issues with my in-laws for awhile, my step-son drove me nuts, my long time job became harder & added stress, the biological Mom seemed to be so intrusive with my life I share with my husband.....similiar conection of feelings about a woman from the past?
Thanks for lending your reading ear.
Oh I can relate to much of what you say... the control issue as well as family dilemmas...
EDNOS stands for: eating disorder not otherwise specified. Which basically means an eating disorder exists but does not meet the criteria for anorexia or bulimia~ for example, being underweight, but still menstruating.
I saw a therapist for almost a year. My last appointment with her was last month, it was quite a tear jerker. She is going to call me this month to check on me. It's funny, she was not at all my favorite person when I first began therapy with her. Over time she pulled me out of my shell and I really progressed in a positive way :)
I agree, eating a meal should be pleasurable. With an ed (eating disorder) it's definitely a challenge. Our bodies get so used to not eating that food is a stranger. What helped me personally was starting with times I didn't even feel hungry, eating anyway. Even if it was a small amount. Like oatmeal in the morning, for example.
Michele,
So, you can relate to this whole 'challenged feelings' with eating? If you don't mind me asking, do you/did you also suffer from an ed such as mine?
HOW are you getting through the valley....besides eating your daily oatmeal in the morning that is! : ) It would be nice to meet a few 'ed coaches' who've been there. Would you be available to give me your helping tools from time to time? No pressure of course. Thanks a lot for response, it meant a lot.
Heather <><
Hi Heather,
I can totally relate to challenged feelings! I was diagnosed with EDNOS and at times anorexia, depending on my weight and habits. Getting through the valley... it has been quite a challenge. When I started therapy I was deep in the valley and thought there was no way out! Ya know that old saying "One step forward- two steps back"? That is how it was at first. I had to learn that it is okay to make mistakes, it is human, and to just keep going.
Sure I can give you helping tools :) I have a few that my therapist passed on to me. If you're looking for anything in particular, let me know.
Ed's fill an emotional need, however poorly,
~Diana~
Welcome to the group.
It's good that you are seeing an eating disorder therapist and recognize that you can have an eating disorder without the obsession with being thin. It would fall under ED-NOS. And you're in good company. That's where I fall and probably many others.
Aside from your eating are you dealing with your depression in therapy? On any meds? Are there any situational triggers for your depression?