new...am I in trouble?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
new...am I in trouble?
12
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 12:51pm
I have never posted on any discussion boards before, but have been tempted to do so. After reading some postings, I decided to. I think what I am looking for, is others opinions on if I may have an eating disorder or not. I often times have people tell me I'm too skinny. Recently, I was in a cafeteria at work getting a salad, and an older woman walked up to me and said "thank god you eat, people that look like you just usually starve themselves." My parents have made comments as well as some of my friends. However, someone very close to me doesn't think I am too skinny, so I usually base my feelings on his opinion.
I guess I should give some background. I was an athlete my entire life, all through college. In high school, I was definitely anorexic. My entire day would consist of an apple, yogurt, and small portions of whatever my parents made for dinner. I was also working out 2-3 hours a day being an athlete.
Now, I fear that has come back into my life. I count calories like crazy. I try not to go over a certain number each day, and if I do, I feel awful. My friends go out to eat often, but I will never go unless I know the menu inside and out, and know what the low calorie options are. Also, I am in a circle of friends that very much enjoy social drinking. It is very hard for me to go out with them because I am constantly thinking about the calories consumed...although I order diet soda and a very small amount of hard alcohol.
Something else that worries me is that I watch what everyone else eats (mainly women) and think about how many calories that must contain and can't believe they are putting that in their body. I also constantly look at other women's bodies and pick out their flaws and compare them to my own body. That is hard for me to admit, because I like to think that I am a nice person!
I also have problems eating in front of people. If I am eating healthy, I'm ok with it. But at a Christmas party the other night, I was offered a bite size cookie, and ate it. The entire time, I was so worried that everyoen was watching me and thinking how fat I am, or that I will get fat, because I was eating the cookie. Days later, I'm still thinking about it.
I think what I am asking is if this is abnormal? I don't know if all women think this way, and I am worrying over nothing, or if I really need to try to take some steps to receive help. Thank you for reading such a long posting..this was hard for me to write. I'm looking forward to responses so I can get some peace of mind. Thank you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:50pm

Hi sweetie,


Your eating habits definitely are not healthy and I feel you would benefit by taking steps to receive help.


Hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 6:40pm

You're probably anorexic still.


More, though -- how do you feel?

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 7:35pm
Thanks for the response...I will take your advice on the people to turn to for help, I appreciate it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:35pm
Hey!
I too once suffered from anorexia and bulimia. To me the symptoms that you are experiencing could be part of an eating disorder. everyday is a constant battle. I understand. For me personally i have a therapist that i talk too, or a very good friend that understands. Having an eating disorder is not just about food it is usually something much deeper. i am still uncovering things about myself that have contributed to my eating disorder. i have been doing well for almost two years but sometimes there are relapses. i understant what you are feeling. eat when you are hungry, if you deny yourself food you will only want it more. a "normal" person needs 1200 cals a day but if you exersize you could consume more ect..a cookie wont kill you, but denying yourself food will. just atke it one day at a time. i want to help thats a healing process for me too. let me know if you have more ?s ok?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 12:27am
Thanks so much for your response. I definitely want to be able to stop thinking about food all the time. I think getting help might be the toughest step because then that means I'm really admitting something is wrong. I wish I could do it on my own, but everytime I tell myself I should get healthy, I have an intense fear of getting fat...even getting to a normal weight I know that I would feel fat. I am sure the underlying causes are that I don't accept myself. Hopefully I can get back on the right track...thanks so much for your response! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 12:39pm
Hi there.
Good for you for being concerned enough about your well-being to seek help. I think you need to go to your doctor and tell her/him exactly what you posted. Be totally honest and talk to them about you nutrtional needs. Having a professional tell you you need to eat more makes one feel a little less guilty about eating a cookie for example. I know that guilt over something as silly and supposedly innocent about eating a cookie. It's not "the norm" but you can't be angry at yourself for feeling how you do, you just need to seek help and learn not to beat yourself up over something so silly. There's bigger fish to fry and getting over an ED gives us the time and confidence to to do more fun things than worry about a cookie. I am sure your body was thankful for the fuel and wanted a lot more!
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:50am

Welcome Sunnie.


I can't tell you what "all women" think, especially those without an eating disorder becuase I haven't been there. I've had eating problems for almost half my life. I can tell you that I do the same things you do and have an eating disorder. That doesn't mean you do for sure, but just know that you aren't alone. All women probably do some of it some of the time, considering we are naturally socialized to be that way, but it sounds to me like this is a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:53pm
Thanks for the insight...you bring up some good points. I think this leads me to another question...when I look at myself, I don't see fat....I see pretty normal, yet fear becoming fat. But, when I look at other girls, I see them as having more "substance" to their bodies, and think that they look better than I do. When I see pictures of myself, I notice my collarbones sticking out, or that my face is thin, my skin looks unhealthy, or my clothes seem to be hanging. When I look at other girls, I see (for the most part) that they look healthy and happy and are really just enjoying life and seem happy in their bodies (I know this can't be completely true though). From your experiences, does this sound like something I might need help to work through? I want to be healthy, look good, and be confident. I want to get past this, and would like to be able to get through it on my own, or tell myself this is normal as opposed to admitting I need help. I just can't decide which one!
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:13pm

I'd have to say you do know the answer to the question of whether it is normal or if you aren't and want to get healthy. You look at others and see that they are healthy and happy and that they have more substance. You can recognize that you are not at a healthy weight but the idea of gaining weight scares you. I can understand that. I'd like to suggest the "body image workbook". I didn't find all of it helpful but still found enough to be helpful that I recommend it to others. There are so many books out there and I haven't read them all, but this one I have and think you should too. As I read others I will post them. I have a bunch of book reviews that I have to put up and this is one of them.


I wish you well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:36pm

Yes, we welcome the reviews, Amanda!


 

 

~Diana~

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