Binged and purged first time in 8 years!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Binged and purged first time in 8 years!
5
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 5:05pm
I am 50 years old and just gave in to the old urges!! My mothers dying wiosh in November 1998 was that I seek help for my bulemia. At that time I did it sometimes as often as 8 times a day, usually planning my day around it. Sometimes crying aS I puked, knowing I was killing myself but unable to stop. Addicted to prerscription diiuretics as well. If I ate something at my moms house I went to the bathroom and got rid of it. My mom knew, and as she was dying of cancer, she watched me dying of another disease and urged me to get help. I had not done this in 8 years!! Today IO learned that my biopsy for endometrial cancer was benign. No problem. Than I learned that my cholestral level was a little high at 191. The doc said he imaigned that I had a diet high in fat. WHAT!!!?? I pride myself in maintaining my weight the last 8 years by eating healthy now, no fats other than a little cheese and a little mayo in tuna. (and of course excersize) That was the extent of my BAD eating!! So I went out and bought Taquitos, chips, cheese dip, popcorn shrimp,mini eggrolls, carmel corn cooked it and with a bottle of water to make it all come up easier consumed it, and than purged most of it. A little nervous because the doc had said laast time I was checked the next time cou;ld be my last because of esophagial ulcers!! Why did I do it? And will I do it again? Excuse the typos! Just a middle-aged ex-bulemic needing to vent. Thanks for listening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 5:39pm

Why you went back to your old behaviors can be a number of things. Everyone's triggers are different maybe it was the whole situation with your biopsy and cholesterol level.

Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:27pm

Yes I agree with Catherine, shakey. Since you mention the dr.'s visits, I think

 

 

~Diana~

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:50am

Sorry to hear of your slip, but congratulations on the past 8 years. This slip does not negate all the work that you've done over those years.


I can see that the cholesterol problem may have been a bit of a trigger. Know this, it's not your fault that your cholesterol is high, according to your reported diet. Know that some people are genetically predisposed to high cholesterol and that for those diet and exercise are not enough. There is something going on in the body that is creating that high cholesterol. There are meds out there to deal with it.


I'm glad you came to see us and hope you will continue to post.


If nothing else comes from my post, know that you are NOT A FAILURE!


Hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:49pm

I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. My heart breaks for you. I understand it all too well. You are NOT alone. I am 44 and just celebrated 5 years of recovery. I gained 11 lbs this year and I'm having trouble taking it off. I am dangerously close to relapse. I am blessed to have a wonderful nutritionist who is helping to keep me sane.

Please try and think of all the wonderful things about yourself. Maybe try writing them down and looking at them when you struggle. Do you have someone you can call?

Know that you are in my prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:51pm
I can sympathize with how you feel. My Mom died of cancer in 2001...she stressed to me how important it was to take care of your health and what not as she was dying. It's a lot of pressure. Everytime that I purge, I think of her and how disappointed she would be if she saw what I was doing to my body. That just adds to the guilt, and I do it more. I'm probably not the best one for giving advice, since I have the same problem. It must have been so frustrating to have felt that all the hard work and healthy eating and excercise didn't have any impact on your cholesterol...but that could have been the result of genetics, and not your diet...your doctor should have considered that before insulting you. I hope that you can get back on track...one purge shouldn't ruin 8 years of hard work...tomorrow's a new day, right? Good luck.