Was this an eating disorder?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Was this an eating disorder?
3
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:39am

I don’t have a friend I can talk to about this, so I figure you all may help. I think I may have had some form of eating disorder, or at least an obsessive-compulsive control over my eating.

I’ve always been a very active person, a runner since high school (23 now). At the same time, I’ve struggled with my weight, having a little extra around my waist and thighs, but not overweight. About 2 years ago, I started eating a very strict diet, constantly measuring portions, only eating from a somewhat small list of food—cereals, sandwiches with little meat, apples, bananas, oatmeal, granola bars, carrots, certain nuts, Diet Coke, peanut butter, rice cakes, yogurt, and a few others. Going out to eat with friends, I would eat every bite of whatever we had and make it up by running longer, doing more weights, etc.

I felt like it made my life easy in college; I didn’t have to “think” about what to make for dinner, I just made “that.” When I came back home from college, this trend continued. I wouldn’t eat dinner with my family, unless we went out to eat, in which I would be very selective, but pig out on the thing I chose. I never starved myself, and I never purged a thing, but everything was very controlled. My boyfriend takes me out to eat and is amazed at how much food I can eat for my size...

Now that I’ve sort of changed (I still measure out portions, but I think America has PORTION DISTORTION!), I wonder if those habits and rituals were some sort of eating disorder. I was always preoccupied with my weight (still am) and how I looked in the mirror (still am), although everyone says I have a great body.

Now I think I may have damaged my heart in some way due to lack of nutrients during that time, something that I *know* is irreversible.

Did I have a genuine problem? What can I do to not relapse back into that controlled atmosphere? I’m a type-A; I like things the way I like them.

I just came to this realization last night while at the gym, and I almost burst into tears. I have no one to talk to, no one I would admit any of this to...

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and I appreciate the help!

-L

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:53pm

Hi stargal43! Welcome to the board! We hope that you continue to stop by and let us know of your progress or if you just need to "talk".


I am by no means a professional or able to diagnois eating disorders. But to me, it does sound like that you may have some eating disorder tendencies - like body distortion and a feeling of need to control your eating habits. Just because you may not

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 7:50am

Hi stargal43, and welcome to the board!


Catherine has led you in exactly

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:11pm

I feel your pain...It's so hard to talk about this with your friends because of the fear of judgement. I guess the anonymity of the internet isn't always bad, huh :-)

I'm 28 and have struggled and stressed about my weight since I was 12. A big mistake I made was thinking that just because I specifically didn't starve myself or specifically binge and purge, that I didn't have an eating disorder. At best, I had/have an unhealthy obsession...I would suggest seeing a therapist just to sort out some of your feelings about food and body image. It's really good that you aware that you might have had a problem...That is totally the first step! You will feel so much better once you have a lttle clarity about your behavior and why you did it.

PS-Don't scare yourself about the your heart unless you've had symptoms. It will cause more stress, which could contribute to some of your food issues. For peace of mind, you might want to see your general practitioner and let them check you out...Then that will be one less thing to worry about!

Good luck!