am i giving up on my friend?
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| Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:30pm |
ok, im an 18 yr old male, with a 16 yr old female friend with ednos...
back in september she stopped talking to me when she found she developed the ed...
i was the only one who knew, and i told her parents soon after...
it has been very difficult these past months knowing that my friend back home is sick, and i cant do anything about it...but give support...
but it is taking a toll on me...i am a freshman in college, and things are piling up....i have so much on my plate right now...and i dont think i can deal with the stress that she brings...
she is not eating again...she is fasting til valentines day...and i cant stop her...
i would usually send messages saying that im there for her...but now...i cant take it anymore...
i am willing to let go of my friend forever...and she was one of my closest friends...
its just too hard knowing what she is doing to herself...and its not getting better...
she is very mean to me...and i have been nothing but nice and supportive...
i am willing to respect her wish, and never talk to her again...and she can go on with her diet for as long as she wants, and i wont stand in her way anymore...and i dont even want to say that "im there for you" anymore...because i dont think i can be...
its just too hard for me...
i dont know what to do...
i am very close to making this decision final
i dont want to let the ed win by pushing away people that care about her, but i dont know what else i can do...
im lost...
she thinks that no one understands the struggle that people with ed's go through...
that may be true, but that doesnt mean we dont care...i care sooo much, and i am struggling too...they affect so much more than a single person...
im having trouble deciding...
please give your opinions...and what you think i should do?

Hi j.,
I think you are slowly but surely coming to the decision to let her go.
~Diana~
thank you so much for your responses...
i told her mother over an e-mail that i had big news for her parents when i got home from college...
her mom got kinda scared or whatever...and told me i needed to see a therapist because she didnt think i was in good health, and she said that her daughter was fine...they also told me not to come over...
so i said forget it...and told her over an e-mail that her daughter wasnt fine, and that she had an ed...while she was at work...
i got home, and didnt make an attempt to go over and visit...but one night...i couldnt sleep and i wrote them a letter...7 pages...of everything i could think of at the moment...everything she had told me in terms of her eating and her goal weight...everything...
i put it in thier mail box, and went to bed..
i was going back to college the next day...and i just felt like i hadnt done enough...so i went over to talk to anyone who would talk to me...
i got to the front door, and her mom closed it and told me to leave...
i waited there, for a minute when finally her dad came out and i talked to him about everything...for almost an hour...
well, then i was on my way...there was nothing i could do but wait...
a couple weeks later, on her 16th birthday, they confronted her, and made her see a therapist and a nutritionist...and all that stuff...
her father told me that i had done the right thing when we talked...
and later on...i think in december...i got a little drunk...well very drunk, and called her mom askin to talk to her...but i just talked to her mom instead, and i told her i was sorry for everything, and i didnt mean for it to end up like this...
she told me i did the right thing...and thats all i can really remember...
i still havnt talked to her about it though, and she is the one i need to talk to the most...
she is in treatment, or was at least...but idk...
she is back to her eating habbits..i doubt she ever stopped...but her parents would make her sit and eat sometimes...
i really dont know...
im still thinking about my decision...
wheather i am letting go...or giving up???
i better think this all the way through, i am going to see a counceler tommarow...and try to get a better understanding of what i should do..
thank you all so much, and i would love to hear back....
Hi Pam, thanks for stopping by!
~Diana~
Hi j.,
It doesn't matter if you are letting go or giving up. It's the same thing.
~Diana~
yep...in 15 minutes i go see a therapist...and im going to tell them my situation, and my plan to disconnect...
after 5 months i think i am finally ready...
after 1 week, there was no way anyone was gonna tell me to let go...
i was in disbelief...
but now i see it is time...
maybe i will be able to sleep again...
i dont know what in the world i will do if she ever comes back...
that will be very hard for me...
but i will cross that bridge if and when i get to it...
but for now...its time..
thank you all soo much for the help all along the way for me...
and for showing me that im NOT alone
james
James.
thank YOU for letting
~Diana~
ok...well, im back...there has been a little progress made..
maybe when i told her that i was done with her...she got scared...i dont know...
there is a sence of feeling that when someone tells you that they will always be there for you, you think you can test thier limits...
but we are talking again, now after 5 months...
it is very hostile and she always seems pissed off when she answers...
but we talk...first we started talking about random stuff...and then we moved into her "issues" and i think it was her that brought it up...
i asked a relative what they thought...and they said, it sounds as if i was being let back in...(in an arogant way)...
i dont know if thats true, but she is back up to her healthy weight...(which pisses her off)
but i would like to share some of the things she has brought to my attention..
___________________________________________________________
she thinks
i am an A**H***
she doesnt deserve anything from me(as of care)
if she gets sick trying to get to her ultimate goal weight...its because of me...
i will be in her mind the whole time she is trying for that weight
she told me she lied to her shrink
she knows i told her parents
she does not believe people when they tell her she is gorgious..."they see what they want...as does she"
she says she will never give in
her problems are her life
they make her who she is
she doesnt want people to know
*she accepts the fact that she struggles with things most people dont*
but says that it will never get in her way...
and if that isnt enough...i read her myspace, and her song has quotes in it...such as...
"Crouched over
You were not there
Living in fear
But signs were not really that scarce
Obvious tears
But I will not
Hide you through this
***I want you to help***
And please see
The bleeding heart perched on my shirt "
"Should I, could I
Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Should I, could I "
i took a hint, and sent her a message...
i told her i would give her my hand through it all...
and asked her if she would take it..
maybe she will...maybe not...
maybe she is right...maybe i do assume too much...
but im going with my instincts...
so she wrote back and this mourning and told me that she doesnt want my hand...she likes the way she is...and thinks i am being obnoxious...
i dont really know what to think of this...
what do you see from some of her actions latley?