I am so sorry, ladies for my absense

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
I am so sorry, ladies for my absense
5
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:12am

Ok.  Here goes.


I know you must be upset with me for not being here to answer your posts.


I have talked with my team leader about this, and she suggested that I come to my own board to share.  I have been afraid to do this.  I thought about creating another screen name, but this morning,  I realize I'm not going to do it.


So here I am.  I am bare. I realize how much honesty it must take for you to come here for help.  I realize how scared you must be sometimes to come here and share.


I have relapsed.  I have been struggling myself.


And I have been OK the last couple of days, but I have still felt too vulnerable lately to be here.  And I love being your co-cl.


I am used to slipping for one day every 2 or 3 months.  It hasn't taken over my life. 


Situations where the fear of failure and criticism are on the top of my mind.


Wanting to be perfect at above.


Wanting to not be ... um ... fat, b/c I will be in front of an audience.  Where did my self-acceptance go?  I feel like I need to ... another thing I've worked so hard on getting over ... lose weight.  Part of the perfect package?


Nerves.  This is the biggest opportunity I have had in ages.


These things are at the top of miy mind, I know there are others.  One is .. working on quitting smoking.  And I do not want to return to my ed to handle it.  I'm just really nervous about quitting again.  During my other 'practice' quits, I did not return to ed, but this time the fear is there.


My physical relapse lasted it seems like a week, it involved junk.


I have two teenagers that can have these things w/o guilt or weight gain.  And that reminds me:  It is just like when I was a teenager, my brother would come home and have all this stuff.  I was so frustrated!


I need to not bring those triggers into the house.


I need to be gentle with myself ... and maybe put off my quit until I see my new therapist on Monday.  The reason I was able to get her is because I discussed my pms symptoms with the nurse at my ob/gyn.  There is so much more.


I don't know, I would appreciate your comments.


Thank you


 

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~~Diana~~



 


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~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:06pm

Hi Diana,


I am still an occasional lurker of this board ;) and I can totally relate. I left you a message on the other board.


As I've said many (too many *blush*) times, I am taking a class called Healthful Living. The hard part of that is

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 5:11pm

Thank you for the heads up, I haven't been back there since I responded to Cindi's post.


Oh, I guess you didn't talk about

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 11:19am

Diana,


That's great that you wrote what is bothering you!! ;) Keep writing whether on here or if some is too personal, then in a journal.


I don't know if these will help - but I have a worksheet...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 11:53am

This is so funny, these are sites & things

 

 

~Diana~