Recovered anorexics?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Recovered anorexics?
3
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:39pm
I'm not sure if this is the right board to post this on, if not my apologies and please let me know where to repost! Anywho, I have a question for some recovered (if there is such a thing) anorexics. I became anorexic when I was about 14, it was a long hard battle for me for 11 years, my lowest point ever was 92lbs; mind you I'm 5'8". But just this passed year was actually my first time of going an entire year with no replaces. And not only no relapses, but no point where I even had to fight to not relapses...it actually wasn't on my mind. I really feel like I'm doing ok now, finally. I know I'm a healthy thin (doctor approved!), sometimes I feel pretty, sometimes cute. And for the first time I can actually SEE nice parts of my body. I finally feel like I've got a hold on this and I'm really headed in the right direction. But my question is, and this may sound silly, but for those of you out there, do you ever feel sexy? I mean, sometimes I feel pretty, but I've never felt sexy. I know it would help min and my DH's relationship if at some point I felt sexy, but I dont and never have. How do you get to the point where you feel sexy, does it ever happen? I've never felt it before, but I would like to feel it someday. Right now I'm content with some days just thinking I'm pretty...but someday, I would love to feel sexy. Does that happen?
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker
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Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 10:44pm

Hi vivalamama, and welcome to the board!


That is an interesting question to me, however, my main ed

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 10:11am

Well initially when I was younger it really had nothing to do with sexuality or anything related to it. My childhood wasn't exactly picture perfect. We were the family on the block that was...well, we were poor. We had the hand me down clothes, sometimes didn't eat because there just wasn't food to eat. We were the house where every weekend you'd hear my parents screaming at each other, see my dad peeling off down the street in the car, the cops coming because my dad hit my mom again. He was an abusive guy, we didn't have anything to our name, and all of us (I have a brother who felt this way too) felt completely trapped. After 3 years of taking care of my grandma (she had breast cancer) she passed away, I was only 12. She was a wonderful woman and we were very close, I still miss her so much. And 6 months after that we found out my mom had breast cancer too, she had a 25% chance of survival. So, I think the culmination of it all was just too much for me, I was young and didn't know how to deal with any of it. I didn't have any friends, I was incredibly depressed and eating my way to comfort. So after a while I think it just became a control issue for me, I had to be in control of something. My family/home life was a nightmare and there was nothing I could do about it...but what I ate, that was completely up to me. And it stayed that way I think for most of my battle. Life, for most of mine, hasn't been what I would hoped it would be, doors just never opened for me. So my eating, or not eating I should say, was my way of dealing with it. So much was just compeltely out of my hands, but food was totally under my control.

I dont think it turned to towards sexuality or feeling sexy until I was much older, early 20's I'd say I guess. I found a way to somewhat turn my life around and was in some aspect on the right track. But feeling sexy, having boyfriends, having sex...I didn't know anything about that or what the heck to do about any of it. All I knew was what I saw from the outside, friends, movies, you name it...thin=sexy. So, I thought the thinner I got, the sexier I would seem/feel. But the thinner I got the worse I felt, so I kept getting thinner thinking I wasn't doing it right, I wasn't thin enough. But now I know that being or feeling sexy is an emotion, a feeling, its not a "look". I know someone looks sexy because they FEEL sexy, does that make sense? But, that's just something that I've never felt. I really have no idea how one feels sexy or attractive all the time. I feel pretty if I get to wear a nice dress, or my hair finally cooperates, but its just does't go beyond that really. I guess, I really feel like I'm getting beyond that point in my life, I'm ready to move on and feel new things...I'm almost 30 and there's a lot things I want to do and feel, but I have absolutely no clue how one feels sexy. I hope this makes some kind of sense. You're probably right though, it'll just take time. It took me over 10 years to feel pretty, I guess if I'm just patient and keep myself going on the right road it'll come in time.

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 2:24pm
I know this may sound weird and cliche but when I get a compleatly new hair cut and possibly buy a new dress or outfit (shoes!) I feel totally sexy because I get compliments & so on...it may not be a long term feeling, but its a small fix that can help!