Bad Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Bad Day
7
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:58pm

I know I post on here all the time. I hope that yall don't mind because you seriouly don't know how much this board helps me. I was eating this 100 calorie pack of cookies at lunch and my friend asked me is that good for you. I said not really, like it doesn't have a lot of nutritional value but it's not bad for you or anything. Then I said besides, I never eat junk food and I think that's it's ok for me to treat myself sometimes. Then my other friend named Jess said to me "You eat junk food all the time! Remember that time at your birthday party and I bought you a candy bar because you hate cake?" I felt so bad. I felt like such I pig when she said that. She never eats. She skips lunch everyday. And she is so thin and she is trying to lose weight for prom. She looks pityfull already! It's so hard because I'm the only one that eat's lunch at my table. I feel like such a pig. It's easier when someone else is eating with you. But if you are there eating frozen yogurt, a turkey sandwhich, and 30 nuts while someone else just sits there starring at you it is horrible. I hate lunch. I used to skip lunch with all my friends but now I don't have a choice. I HAVE to eat lunch. Even if I'm not hungry. Because I can't risk going into the hospital. The ironic thing about what Jess said to me is I took one bite out of that candy bar and then I gave the rest to my dad because I was scared to eat it. She is so mean sometimes. I usually always make sure what I'm eating has nutritional value. And because I eat so healthy I have to eat A LOT of food. And then she goes off and says that to me. Do yall think the reason my friends are so thin is because they don't eat hardly anything? Could I be fooling myself to think that I can actually eat and be thin?

~Alex~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: alex_289
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 9:01am

Oh Alex, I understand!!! First of all, take a deep breath and feel what it feels like to be healthy and alive. Your ED is about you and no one else. comparing yourself to others is an exercise in futility. People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and we can never look just like the woman next to us. God made you unique and just the way you are supposed to be. I can't comment on your friend, Jess', motivation in saying these nasty things to you, but it makes me wonder about how true a friend she is. Does she know about your ED?? If so, why would she say things to hurt your recovery? I realy friend is going to support you no matter what, and know that there are times to keep their mouth shut and also that questions about the foods you eat or don't eat are major triggers for you.

Your meal plan is yours and yours alone. You are doing the right thing by foloowing the plan. You are treating your body with kindness and respect. Skipping meals, etc., is a recipe for poor health in the long run. I know you want a family some day and if you want that, you must nourish your body.

I am proud of you for doing what you know you need to, even when it is hard. I really know how hard it is to follow the plan when your ED is screaming at you telling you otherwise. You are stronger than that!!

Ilse

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: alex_289
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 6:20pm

Your friend Jess seems like bad news. Friends don't bring other friends down. She's obviously struggling with her own issues if she is thin, dieting.. AND bringing you down with her.

I know from personal experience that eating (in public especially) can be a scary thing... I think the first thing you might think about is reevaluating your friendship with this Jess girl and decide if it's truly a postive influence on your life!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: alex_289
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 10:55am

Hi there alex!


I hope the others' comments *here* have been of some help.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
In reply to: alex_289
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:14pm
Oh Alex, I know how hard this is! I have to say though, even though its really tough to think about, that you really should think about re-evaluating your friendships. You're doing really really well, and with what your friend Jess said to you...man, that's harsh! Does she know about your ED? It's hard to think about "moving on" with friends. But life is full of changes, and like Diana said, you're changing and evolving now. There are a lot of stages in life where you'll find yourself changing, because you're entering new phases in life, starting new roads. And in those times, sometimes the things you're used to, don't fit quite as well. Sometimes, life around you just doesn't fit the new you. Its a scary thing sure, but any new venture in life can be kind of scary. But, it can also be really exciting!!! I just think that you're doing so well, and I hate that your friends (especially Jess) would say so much to harm your progress. If I were you, I'd really have to question their loyalty to me and my recovery. And yes, I'm sure your friends are so thin because they're hardly eating. If they keep it up, they'll be heading down a really bad road and they'll try to take you with them. You've gotta stay strong hun!!! And as for your question about eating and being thin, sure can! I splurge at least once a week and eat some really yummy not "good" for me food, and my weight is just fine. And when I'm eating my super yummy (lol) foods, I dont think about calories or anything. I sit there and I ask myself "Am I healthy?", the answer is yes, so there's nothing wrong with splurging a little sometimes. Its not so much about what you eat or how often, its about being healthy. And you're doing really awesome at that, don't let your friends drag you down like that!!!
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
In reply to: alex_289
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:12pm
Thanks for everyone's comments! They helped a lot. Jess doesn't know about my eating disorder. I've been able to tell all my friends except the girls I sit with at lunch and my boyfriend. I don't know why I can't tell them. I just don't think that they'd believe me. I've been having a really hard time lately. Every time I look in the mirror I cry. I just can't stand my body. My stomach is so huge. It makes me so mad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: alex_289
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:50am

(((((Alex)))


I know this was a few days ago and you may or may not be feeling this way today.


Have you been "schooled" in body image distortion, there's a fancy term for it these days, body dismorphic (sp?)

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
In reply to: alex_289
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 8:15pm
I definately have major body issues. i'm going to a theapist soon. hopefully that will help.