My ED is hurting my relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
My ED is hurting my relationship.
2
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:21pm

This is a posting I made in another forum until someone nicely pointed me in the direction of this one! Any advice is welcome!

I wrote:

Please help me! I've been struggling with bulimia for almost three years now. I did some outpatient treatment for about 6 months but then I moved back to CA to attend school. Anyway, I'm dating this great guy now. We've been together for about 6 months. I think I am really falling in love with him. He's funny and nice and we get along really well. I'm just worried that my ED and extreme insecurity will get the better of me and it'll destroy this great relationship.

He never says anything to put me down.. he used to rarely compliment me when we started dating but I've noticed that he will say I look pretty or something like that more often now. I know I shouldn't have to rely on him for compliments to make me feel good about myself but whatever. Anyway, this is going to sound stupid but... he had this gf about 4 years ago. It was his first real love and they dated for about 5 years. She was this tiny, itty bitty 5'0 Korean girl. Fine. Lovely. Except I'm Korean, too. And I'm not 5'0. I'm 5'10 and not superskinny either. He's never compared us or anything but I can't help feel like I must be some giant hulking monster who's been known to destroy Japanese cities in comparison to her. I am struggling with my weight and I feel that if I could just drop the weight that everything would be okay. (That's the ED, I know.) He's never said I was "beautiful" or "hot". Just "pretty", which to me is like, a second tier compliment... along with "cute." I hate hearing him compliment another girl by saying "She has a nice body" because I know he's never said or thought that about me.

Anyway, I just want to know what I can do before it's too late... and my boyfriend runs for the hills due to my billion insecurities. He knows I was once treated for an ED but we don't really talk about it. Occasionally he asks me how i'm doing with it and of course, I say, "Fine."

I'd also like to add that this has resulted in me making snarky comments about anyone from someone he finds attractive to other exes. I argue that this is because I am in the fashion industry and have a higher standard of what "beauty" is.. (ha, yeah, I know) but when I say his ex has a nose "straight out of Doonesbury" I think this makes me look really bad and insecure. That probably doesn't help either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:40pm

First off, how do u know that he doesn't love your body? He probally loves it! He just hasn't told you yet. I mean it's kind of weird saying to somebody, I love your body. I would kill to be 5'10! And why does he call other girls beautiful and say they have good bodies all the time. That's not good. Any girl would be mad. I would be furious! If you really like the guy then tell him how you feel when he talks about how beautiful other girls are. But don't put other girls down. Just tell him that it hurts you when he says those things. Good luck with your eating disorder! I hope you fully recover! And your right...losing weight does not fix things. I'm trying so hard to learn that. Hugs!!!

~Alex~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 10:35am

Hi there (((Kissy Suzuki))) and welcome to the board.

 

 

~Diana~