Stepmom of anorexic

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Stepmom of anorexic
9
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 10:30pm
I have never gone on these boards before so I'll just start in with my concerns. My stepdaughter has had eating issues which first were noticed when she was 14 and got down to 77 or so pounds. Part of the deal is that I don't get straight answers from my husband on her weight because he knows that I'm upset about it. We had her signed up to get treatment and her mom would not let us take her in. She was told to put on weight or she would be taken out of dance and she put on weight (still thin) and that was the end. Now, at 16, I noticed it again and after WEEKS forced my husband to weigh her or I was leaving - they had agreed her mom would do the weighing and she wouldn't so I'd finally had enough. She was about 90 pounds - again with the approximations. She was FINALLY forced to go to the doctors to get checked when her school dance team said no more until she was checked out and her mom requested that she was able to stay in until the appointment. The doctor pulled her from dance - this was in December and as soon as class started back up, she did. She was supposed to have gotten up to 105 minimum and is not even at 100 yet and it is now May. I believe she has lost weight again and her mom is not willing to stand by the "you're out of dance" thing now if she has lost again even though she got this ultimatum in December and it was stated by the doctor. I have noticed that she still does the intake of large amounts of water and stays away from any fats whenever possible. I'm guessing that she only eats in front of us since she is so tiny - size 0 or 00 HANG on her. Is there anything that I can do? This is causing a huge issue between my husband and myself and I am starting to feel resentment towards her because of it. She is a very good girl and I am at my wits end. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 8:21am
awwwwwwwww! I can't imagine the hard time your step daughter is going through right now! She really does need to go to a doctor though. She could end up starving herself to death or her heart could stop. Does your husband seem to not think that this is a big deal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 9:52am
You are right to be worried and scared.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:06am
I don't know how she feels. She has always been a pretty quiet kid - happy and has lots of friends, but not a real open girl and I've known her since she was 5. My younger sister had a friend who was (is - she said it never totally goes away, you just learn to deal with it) anorexic so I knew all the signs and brought it to my husband's attention both times it has come up. Anyway, she did go to a doctor this second time because her dance coaches required it and her vitals are/were fine. Well, her BMI was low which was why she was pulled from dance for a little while, but it was also over Christmas break. She isn't seeing the doctor anymore and only saw a psychiatrist twice and with that, she just basically says that she thinks she eats just fine. I don't know how to deal with this or help my husband. He is willing to do more about dealing with it than his ex which I just TOTALLY don't understand. I don't think all of her dance is helping either -she dances for 2+hours 4 or 5 days a week. Should we be pulling her from dance until she gains the required weight? Take away privileges? Does any of that help show that we're serious or do we just get her back into psychiatrist visits - and more than 2? PLEASE HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:09am
Thank you. I will go there to see what I can learn. This was the first topic I tried since I don't really know how to nativigate this. I appreciate you help and I do believe her mom is in denial as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 4:25pm
Punishment is not the answer I don't think. I would try my hardest to get her to a doctor and get her a therapist. She will probally have to quit dance for a while because the doctors usually don't let you excercise at first. But don't try to black mail her into eating. The doctors will do that in a way. (telling her that she will have to go into the hospital) I know it sounds harsh but seriously, if the doctors didn't have that threat over me I would have not eaten. She can't get better on her own. She needs help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 3:16pm
Part of the problem here is that her mom doesn't think that she needs help. She saw a psychiatrist only twice and that was it. Her mom decided that it was't helping so that was it and she stopped taking her. Thank you for your input, however, it is good to know what helps if we can push in that direction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:21am

Thanks Pam, I just got my puter back last night, and I lost ALL my links,

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 3:25pm

Personally, from someone who has been down the route before, and by this I mean your step-daughters, you can't force them to do anything.

Sure, you could pull her from dance and threaten, etc. but until SHE wants to get help and admits and believes SHE has a problem, it's not going to do anything.

I eventually went through rehab and therapy for my eating disorders and the therapists told my mom the same thing, you can't force them to want it, they have to want it on their own. Luckily, there came a day when I just couldn't do it anymore.....my health was so poor, I could barely get out of bed, my hair started falling out and I was throwing up blood, to list a few examples.

Recovery was hard and even when its all over, it never really is. I still deal with urges and I still have weight and body issues that I think I will have to deal with the rest of my life.

Just make sure you are there for her. Don't be overbearing or put a lot of pressure on her. Listen when she wants to talk but don't force it. Being there for her is what is going to help her along in this process more then anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 1:46pm

Welcome to the board, brokenhalo2007!

 

 

~Diana~