new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
new here
4
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 6:02pm
Hi im new to this message baord. I am usually always posting on the anxiety and depression one since i suffer from panic disorder, i have gotten much better, but money has been tight lately and so i stopped my therapy sessions. I have been feeling kinda depressed though lately and stressed because i have gained about 10 pounds in the past few months and it seems people just feel the need to tell me this. my bf jokes about it and even thoguh its just a small pudge it bothers me. i have done all i can i drink lots of water i dont eat junk anymore, but then recently i dont know why but, i used to be belimic, i would throw everything i ate up right after i would eat it, now i find myself the past 3 days doing it again. its like i look at myself in the mirror and am disgusted, also it doesnt help that i recently got a book about a young girl that used to be skinny and gained weight and became belimic. Its like ever since starting reading that book i have started doing it again. i hate doing it but itsz like i cant stop now. I have this rutine and i get mad and angry if i dont get rid of the food i just ate. i dont know what to do. my mom would die if she found out i was doing this again. i feel like theres no one to talk to about this too

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
In reply to: melg33
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 12:55pm

Hello melg33!


Welcome to the board! I appreciate your honesty and courage in your post. Eating disorders are such a vicious cycle and it can pop back into your life when you least expect it. In the past, when you were bulimic did you seek treatment? If you did, is there anything that you can pull from that to help you during this difficult time?


Don't be angry or hard on yourself. You are human and are entitled to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: melg33
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:12pm

Hi melg33 and welcome to the ed board.


Ditto to everything Catherine has said.

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: melg33
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:52am

Catherine,

Thank you for the help and advice, but i posted this about a week ago I think, and I can honestly say that I feel so lost. I dont know what to do, I cant afford my therapy right now so I feel like i cant talk to anyone. Im too ashamed to talk to anyone about it, Im not sure if it is because I am afraid of their reactions or what. I kind of told my boyfriend, who I trust with everything, the other night. He was kind of upset about it and it was like he was almost joking me about it. I was so angry inside, like he doesnt get it! Its not funny to me at all!

But ever since last week when it all started, anytime after I eat I start to think about what I just ate and I feel naseuos so then I dont even need to make myself get rid of it. It just comes because of the way I think about it and then how it makes me feel sick to my tummy anyways. My dad is so criticizing on me, he points out to me anytime I gaina few pounds. My other family blames my parents for all my anxiety problems too. They stress me out too much. I dont know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
In reply to: melg33
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:49pm

Hi melg33!


A lot of people who do understand the dynamics of eating disorders, tend to not take the issue seriously or have major misunderstandings of it. It's nothing you've done, it's just something that they don't understand. As you push forward toward a recovered state, you begin to learn who is your biggest cheerleader in the matter. Unfortunately, it's sometimes not the people you expect. It takes some time to find those people who you can turn to.


My parents had and still have issues with my anorexia. I can't blame them, they don't understand the nature of the eating disorder. They are human anonymos, they are not perfect. Sometimes, the simplest thing to do when you are in one of those situations (ie. Dad criticizing, family blaming someone else) is to get out. When your Dad is commenting on your weight, excuse yourself. You're not trying to be rude - you're trying to take care of yourself. My Mom would/still says little remarks, I just get up and leave. I tell her that I can't deal with her. She gets it (for that moment).


As for therapy, are you in school? High school or college? If you are, you can go to your guidance counselor or medical clinic. They have info on cheap (sometimes free!) therapy programs. There may even be a Overeaters Anonymous meeting close to where you live.


Should you need someone to talk, let out some steam, or even if you are having a great day - come here. That's what we are here for. You're not alone!


Take care!


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