Mixed up feelings
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| Sun, 05-13-2007 - 5:42pm |
I'm just having a bad day and a lot of mixed up feelings. I don't really like talking about my body size very much, especially with people that I don't know all that well. Well, a guy from work was asking me why I'm so unhappy with my body today, and I didn't really feel like getting into it. I'm not even sure how he realized that I'm unhappy with my body. I didn't realize it was that obvious since I rarely talk about it. I tried to explain to him that I've just got some body image issues, but he didn't seem to get it. He just kept saying that there was nothing wrong with me, and he didn't understand why I thought there was. I wish that it were that simple, but unfortunately, it's a little more complicated than that. I know that he meant well, and it was nice of him to say that there isn't anything wrong with my body, but sometimes I just don't feel like having people making any comments (good or bad) about my body at all anymore, you know? I used to really get into it when people would tell me I was thin, but I just want to recover now. I just want to accept myself. I walked a lot today, which usually helps, but I can't get rid of this weird feeling of nervous unease today.
Thanks for listening to me. I'm sorry if I'm not really making much sense. It just helps to throw my feelings out there.
Edited 5/13/2007 9:55 pm ET by perfectpony

Hi perfectpony!
OMG! You are not alone! I know exactly where you are coming from. I never wanted attention on my body but on other things in my life that I considered perfect (ie. grades, work, etc). I think it's the nature of the eating disorder. I believe that we subconciously believe that if people don't focus on our bodies that eating disorder will remain our little secret. When in reality, that little secret is obvious to everyone.
I still deal with these feelings everyday. My mother-in-law always makes comments like, "You have nothing to worry about. I don't know why you still obsess." More like, "blah blah blah". She knows about my past but still feels the need to remind me. I love my mother-in-law to death but sometimes I just can't deal with it. I just tell her, "I'm working on my issues. It's an on going process."
Does that make sense?
siggy by Iris (hot_toddys_mama)