Sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Sad
2
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 10:50am
I don't know where to start. I've been thin my whole life. People would tease me for being skinny and I was always able to eat what I wanted without gaining a pound. That was the end of my perfect world. As I reached 21-22 years old my weight started to climb. I started at 115 lbs ending at 140 lbs within a matter of a year. I knew my metabolism would eventually slow down but I didn't think I would gain 25 lbs!(I'm 5'7 so technically I'm normal for my weight) I did the correct approach at first by changing my diet and exercise but I always stayed in the same 5 pound bracket.
I'm a binge eater and was subconsiously demonstrating early signs of an eating disorder. I wouldn't let my lips touch the fork or spoon but scrape my teeth against it.(sign of an ED) I would eat to the point where I was uncomfortably full, and unable to curb my appetite by healthy foods. I always heard about Bulimia and the extreme measures people would go to get rid of excess calories. I never thought I would bring myself to that desperation but here I am. The first few times purging had been difficult but then it was easily orchestrated and planned out. I hate lying. I hate myself. I'm disgusted and ashamed. I bought Hoodia and other appetite suppressors yesterday. I need to get back to where I was feeling like me again.
I pinch my sides, my belly, thinking about my ugly imperfections. I need help, but at the same time I don't want it. I'm just expressing my feelings. I know I'm being stupid and childish and theres worse things going on in the world. Maybe that's the reason I keep this a secret, I don't want people to care because I'm not that big of a deal. If I can connect with one of the other 5 million people suffering from an Eating Disorder that understands, that would be comforting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
In reply to: magz527
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 8:16pm

Hello magz527!


Welcome to the board! I hope that you find the people here supportive and helpful! The fact that you acknowledge that you have a problem is the first step to trying to cope and recover from it. It's a huge step and you should be very proud of yourself.


Shame, planning, being secretive, lying, etc. are signs of eating disorders. But there is hope. You are not alone. Here's a link to iVillage's info on eating disorders: http://emotional.health.ivillage.com/eatingdisordersselfesteem/eatingdisorders.cfm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: magz527
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 1:50pm

Hi magz527 and welcome!!


(((magz527))) I don't think you're being stupid or childish.

 

 

~Diana~