Wednesday's ARGGHS & Awesomes!!
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Wednesday's ARGGHS & Awesomes!!
| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:28pm |
OK everybuddy, here we are on Wednesday already!
What's on your mind, what's going on right now you would like to vent, complain, whine, etc. about?
What's going well? Any fun plans coming up, or did something nice happen to you so far this week?
Be sure & let us know ;o)
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Hi. Thanks for the forum to vent!
So - here goes -
I saw my doctor this morning and I'm annoyed, but I don't quite know why. I was supposed to go for bloodwork and instead she just wanted to talk. She wanted to hear how my recovery is going, if I am comfortable with my weight, how I am doing healing from the flasbacks and memories I've been having, how things are going with my DH and his support of my healing process. Then she said we'll do lab work next time...in three months when I come back. But then she wanted to talk about whether or not it's helpful for me to remember all the stuff I've been remembering. It's not like I am forcing myself to remember - it just keeps popping out of my head and turns into a flasback. And, as annoyed as I am, I can't just not go see my doctor because she only does 3-month perscriptions for my meds so that I have to come back and check in with her. I know this sounds lame, and I am still trying to process through what we discussed, but something just isn't sitting well with me. Maybe it's because she stirred up memories and flashbacks in the morning - I meet with the rest of my treatment team in the evenings.
As far as what's going well...I got glasses (for the first time). It's amazing, I haven't had a headache in a week! Yeah working eyes! It's like the world is suddenly in focus. I never understood high definition TV before until I got these glasses. Now I actually see the difference between regular TV and HDTV :-)
Thanks for "listening" to my vent.
Love,
so_cal_runner
Lucky you to have HDTV!
~Diana~
Hi Diana. Thanks for your reply.
The memories and flashbacks started about three years ago, and about a year ago they started to get more intense. I guess I never understood that the sexual abuse I suffered as a child could play such an instrumental role in developing and acting out with an eating disorder. I knew the physical and emotional abuse played a role in developing the ED, but the sexual stuff always seemed unrelated and irrelevant to me. However, my team can easily draw the connections, but I have a tough time with it.
Anyway, in February I had a big memory come, in March another one, and about two weeks ago, yet another one. Theyare all part of the same chain of events, but each one gets more and more real and adds another element to the severity of what I went through. I now understand why my mind needed to repress this stuff and only let it out once I felt 100% safe. Sometimes the team pushes me to talk about these, even when I don't want to, because they want me to get it out. They want me to react. They want me to cry, yell, scream, work through it rather than silence myself, feel my emotions rather than numb out, basically break down so that I can move on and more forward with my life. Does that make sense?
What's on your mind, what's going on right now you would like to vent, complain, whine, etc. about?
I need to make a doctor's appointment. I've been procrastinating on it, but I need to just do it. I am going to call and make the appointment tomorrow. I don't like going to the doctor, but it needs to be done.
What's going well? Any fun plans coming up, or did something nice happen to you so far this week?
I'm looking forward to spending the day with my pony tomorrow. I've been pretty busy at my job and with my grad work lately, so I haven't been able to spend much time with him this week. It will be nice to be able to spend a whole day with him. :-)