how do I tell my bf I have an ED??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
how do I tell my bf I have an ED??
6
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:02pm
I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia since I was 14 (I am now 22) About 3 years ago I came to terms with my problems and was advised by my doctor to take time away from college and tell my family about my ED. I wrote a long heart felt letter to my parents explaining how scared, helpless,and out of control I was feeling and told them all about my ED, asking for their help in the recoveryu process. My parents got angry and then decided to pretend I never told them. They feel that I "cracked under the pressure of college, was failing and thought that claiming I had an eating disorder would get me out of school" I live with them, and I know they see my struggles and pain, yet they still refuse to offer help. I have come to accept this and on my own, feel I have come a long way. I am slowly making progress towards recovery. Lately however, I have been struggling. I had emergency surgery around easter and I am still very swollen in my belly area. This caused the same pain and anger and fear that actual weight gain causes, and I am trying to hold myself together. I have been binging a lot, which of course just makes me gain weight and feel worse and I am starting to feel out of control. I have been wwith my boyfriend for a year and we are planning on living together. I know that I need to tell him about my eating disorder but I dont know how. I know that he deserves to know, and I know that I need his support, but after the way my family reacted, I am too afraid to tell him. I was hoping that someone would be able to advise me in how I should bring up the subject. Thank you so much for any help you can offer (and sorry this was so long!!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:00am

Hi there, jerzgrl29 and welcome!

 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 11:33pm

If your boyfriend really loves you and cares about you he will still love and care about you after you tell him about your eating disorder. I have personally never been rejected because of my eating disorder. I only went out with my boyfriend for two monthes and I told him about my eating disorder. I don't keep secrets with anyone though. It's just who I am. But he was very supportive and he didn't dump me for it. He ended up dumping me later for some chick at church camp but anyways, I would tell him. If you are getting serious with him (and it sounds like you are) then you have to tell him. It might even bring yall even closer and you'll have another person to support you! If he rejects you after you tell him then the realtionship probally wouldn't have worked out anyways. But anyone that I've told has never looked at me any different and has supported me all the way and it just shows how much they really do care about me.

~Alex~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 12:59pm

Hello jergrl29!


I agree with what Diana said about your parents. Like recovery, it is an on-going process for them to adjust and accept

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 3:16pm

Hi jerzgrl29, how are things going?


 

 

~Diana~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 7:02pm
Well I still havent been able to talk to my boyfriend about my ED. I know that I need to tell him because he seems lately to be getting frustrated with my constant complaining about my body and weight. I know that he loves me and will be supportive, but I just cant get the words to come out of my mouth. I think that maybe saying out loud again, after not aknowledging my problem in so long, is what I am really afaid of. I am struggling recently, trying not to weigh myself or worry, but bathing suit season just couldn't have come at a worse time! I am trying very hard though, and I know I will make it to september. Thank you so much for your advice and your concern. It's good to know that there is a place I can go to talk about my ED and there are people out there who care! I will keep you posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 10:53am

Do keep us posted :)


 

 

~Diana~