struggling with "to tell or not to tell"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
struggling with "to tell or not to tell"
17
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 4:38pm

Hi everyone!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 6:55pm

Excellent question!

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2007
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 11:37am

I agree it is no one business how we started our familiy but I guess I am making it their business because I think it is important that people know this is happening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 1:16pm

We told everyone in our immediate family, and two close friends, but nobody else. If our daughter wants to tell people later, we're fine with that.


When our little girl (now one) is old enough to understand (maybe around age three?), we'll start by telling her babies are made with a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman. Later, we'll explain that sometimes daddies have sick sperm and need to use sperm from another man, and that somtimes mommies have sick eggs and need an egg from another lady.

 

Avatar for cl_packersrnumber1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 6:52pm

IMHO I think disclosure is important.

jhscalis@wisc.edu

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 9:40pm

I plan to tell. I may not tell everyone because I believe some people are judgmental but the people who are closest to me all know. I will tell my child as early as they can conceptualize it (there are some great children's books out there. I don't like secrets and I won't lie. I'm not a shout it from the rooftops kind of person (

Franklin and Callan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 9:59pm

I have already started the process with my 3.5 yr old.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:23am

We've been open about it from the start. We don't shout from mountain tops, but the important people know. We told our daughter the day she was born, and continue to tell her. Our situation is a bit different, our first born was conceived via donor sperm and our second daughter (14 months younger) was natural. So daddy's sperm didn't work for one girl, but worked for the other. I hope we don't have major issues in the future-our oldest has expressed sadness that daddy's sperm didn't work for her, but we just reinforce that she is who she is because of many things.

Good luck in your decision! And best wishes.

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Thank you for the beautiful siggy Renee



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Thank you for the be

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 5:53pm

My DH doesn't want to tell anyone so the only person who knows is my mom (who is an amazing secret keeper).

After struggling with infertility, we welcomed our son Noah on March 18, 2010! Formerly a teacher, I am now a breastfeeding, babywearing, stay at home Mom, and I couldn't love it any more!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:37pm
The
Photobucket Another Fantastic Siggy by Toni!  Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 9:24am

Hi Lauren (and all) there are lots of books out there that explain things in simple terms that a child can understand, so don't worry about that aspect of it. We are absolutely telling the child from as soon as they can start to understand in simple terms. We don't ever want it to be a weird thing, or traumatic, just something that he/she has always known. We wanted him/her so badly that we went through all this to get her. It's a happy, joyous thing, and just part of who they are. I don't ever want the child to feel like there is something shameful about where they came from. We have told most of our close friends and closest family that we're going to use an egg donor, and everyone has been supportive. We are keeping the details about the donor (she is anonymous but we have pictures and profile info) private though, so the child can feel like that is special information just for them. Our counselor also suggested making a personalized scrapbook all about our journey to conceive and through the pregnancy- sort of like what a person would do for an adopted child.

 


Amber



Mason James was born 8/21/10, 8lbs 12 oz after close to 3 years of infertility.

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