Couple of questions about DE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Couple of questions about DE
8
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 10:12am

Hi Ladies,
I am considering DE with and anonymous donor. Will probably go through Foot Steps to family for the donor since that is the clinic my RE uses most.

Was wondering if anyone was familiar this Foot Steps to family and if so what was your experience? I have heard that it is $4000 just for the agency fee and think that is kind of high for a fee. What were your agency fees?

I have been looking at donor profiles. Some of these women have previous cycle that they have gotten anywhere between 30 and 50 eggs. Do you usually stay away from these ladies? I would think with that many a lot of the eggs wouldn't be mature.

How do the clinics screen for the donors? Do the donors get drug tested to make sure they are not as my DH puts it "crack whores"?

My husband is having an issue with DE because he feels that he is with me because I have traits that he likes. He thinks it is weird to do DE because the child will not inherit any of my traits. Did any of your husbands have any of the same issues?

I know this is a big step and a couple of months ago I was for sure I would do donor egg but now since i am faced with this, I am really on the fence. I know I have seen lots of ladies have good success with DE so that makes me more hopeful.

Thanks for your input.

CHRIS

DH 37 -Me 36 - TTC 4 - Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Test positive for ICC ( Intracellular Cytokine ) .

3-IUI's w/clomid - all BFN
IVF - 1A - 4/2008 - Canceled - IUI
IVF -1B- 6/2008 -Canceled
IVF -1C - Aug 2008 Antagonist protocol --- BFN
IVF # 2A - Oct/Nov 2008 -Canceled
IVF#2B - Jan/Feb 2009 -canceled turned into IUI -BFN
IVF # 2C - BFN
IVF # 3 - - Switching RE's. Cycling JULY 09. Antagon/Antagnoist protocol with estrogen priming. Er July 10th 5 eggs retrieved 3 mature - 2 fert. Embies stopped growing before 5dt.
IVF#4f --- ????? Good Question - Use my eggs or DE??? RE follow up Aug 13.









Edited 7/17/2009 10:41 am ET by crazy08

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 9:02pm

Hi Chris,


I didn't use an agency - my clinic has their own donor pool.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 9:02am

Hi Chris! I remeber you from the IVF board- I'm so happy to see you and think it's great that you're considering this!

I don't know about that agency but if your RE uses them I would think they are probably good. They should absolutely screen them thoroughly- physically and psychologically. But you should definitely read "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" by Sterling/Glazer. You can buy it on Amazon. It cover ALL the questions to ask the agency as well as your RE and covers just about every issue that might come up for the parents and the child. It's a MUST READ.

My DH had no problem with DE. He had the attitude of "we gotta do what we gotta do." He understands that I will be the one to carry the child and we will be raising the child, so many traits of ours will be learned by the child. We're at the point now that we don't really care so much about the physical traits. The donor happens to look like me, but really you have no idea what your going to get even when it's your bio child (the same could be said for any of your "traits"). Nothing is guaranteed when it comes to having a baby, bio or not. I have also read (in above mentioned fabulous book) that it's thought that when a woman carries a baby for 9 months that baby is exposed to her cells and it's her body that is nurturing and sustaining it from day one, and often the baby takes on some physical traits of the mother.

Well I hope that helps and I wish you lots of luck!

 


Amber



Mason James was born 8/21/10, 8lbs 12 oz after close to 3 years of infertility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 7:13pm

My clinic charges about $14,000 for IVF with donor eggs, including drugs for yourself and the anonymous donor. We did a split cycle with another anonymous couple, so our cost was half -- only $7,000. Out of 28 eggs produced by our donor, we received 14. Eleven were mature and were injected with my husband's sperm. Five fertilized, and three made it to 5-day blast stage. We transferred one embryo and froze the other two; nine months later, our darling daughter was born. That was my first and only experience with IVF. From what I've read here and elsewhere, for $7,000, it sounds like we got a real bargain.

Your husband needs to be on board with this. He should actively participate in viewing donor profiles, and the two of you should discuss the kinds of traits you want in a donor. Involve him at every stage so he gets more comfortable with the idea and starts looking forward to it.

My husband and I were more interested in the donor's family health history than physical traits, but we did select a donor who looked a bit like me, with dark hair, olive skin and dark eyes. My husband has brown hair and green eyes, so we assumed the dark colors would dominate in our child. Well, guess what? My baby has red hair, blue eyes and a peaches-and-cream complexion! I'm not complaining 'cause I think she's absolutely beautiful ... but what a surprise! Just shows you never know what you're going to get! And by the way, nobody doubts she's ours, 'cause we each have redheads and blue eyes in both our families, just not in ourselves.

We're going to try again with one of our totsicles in the fall. Good luck to you!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 8:07am
WOW! 14K, I'm jealous! My clinic charges 26K (and is giving us a "deal" at 21K, and that's a bargain). Other places here (NYC) charge upwards of 30K!!! I mean, I know you can't put a price on your child, and you would probably have paid a million to get her...but DANG!

 


Amber



Mason James was born 8/21/10, 8lbs 12 oz after close to 3 years of infertility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 9:00am
I'm with Amber...$14K is an amazing bargain.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 12:27pm

What an interesting conversation and ideas.

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 10:22am

Thanks Everyone for your advice.

DH and I have talked and he is now for DE but is leaving it up to me if I cycle again with my eggs or with donor egg. DH has stated that we don't have the $12,000 for agency fees and donor fee but also has no answers to what we would do next if I cycled with my eggs again and it didn't work. So nope he isn't much help.
I am not planning on cycling again till Nov so I have a little time to decide what I want to do. Maybe I will get some sign to help me out :-)

Wishing the best of luck to all of you.

CHRIS


----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 12:10pm

Goodluck with the DE. It can be a hard decision!

I can't answer the clinic question... but you will be able to pick the traits that your donor has, so that the child should be able to inherit the traits that your DH loves about you. The more picky you are about your donor then the longer it will take to find the right one... but you and your DH just have to decide if it is worth the wait, or you may get lucky and find just the right one quickly.

There are times where I feel alittle awkward because my DD is not of my blood... but I love her to death, and that is what matters most.

-Judy- me 35, DH 36, DS born 6/12/2000 and DD born 4/19/2009

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-Judy- me 36, DH 36, DS born 6/12/2000 and DD born 4/19/2009