How did you choose your donor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
How did you choose your donor?
7
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 3:29am

We were presented with two donors yesterday. For me it's difficult to tell if I feel a connection to one because she's better than the other or is it because she's the right one? How did you decide and how do I know I'm choosing for the right reasons?

TTC #1 since 2005 IUI #1 - chem. pregnancy
IUI #2 - BFN 5/2007 -BFP naturally, m/c 6/07
IUI #3 - BFN
IVF#1 canceled
IUI #4 - 8/9/09, IUI #5 8/10/09 -BFN
Moving forward with DE! Waiting to be matched.
Carolyn

Too many IUI’s, IVF’s and failed attempts to count.

TTC #1 since 2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 10:58am

Thank you for the advice. I know you are right. I just think I need to focus on the day by day of this and see what comes. I guess I was expecting something different when presented with the donors. I know we want a family and these wonderful women are giving us that opportunity so I need to move forward.

Thank you. I'll keep you posted.

TTC #1 since 2005 IUI #1 - chem. pregnancy
IUI #2 - BFN 5/2007 -BFP naturally, m/c 6/07
IUI #3 - BFN
IVF#1 canceled
IUI #4 - 8/9/09, IUI #5 8/10/09 -BFN
Moving forward with DE! Waiting to be matched.
Carolyn

Too many IUI’s, IVF’s and failed attempts to count.

TTC #1 since 2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 10:55am

Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps a lot to know that these feelings are experienced by others and not just me. I understand what you are saying about going with your gut but my gut isn't telling me anything, at least I can't hear it. However, I think the fact that donors have been presented at this time and we're ready to move forward (I'm about to get laid off in 4 weeks and am going to take the rest of the year off) is probably my sign. I will see what happens with this process and if anything becomes difficult then I'll know it might not be meant to be.

The coordinator is going to call the donors to be sure they can do this during the holidays (as this could be pushed until dec to synch our cycles) and if so then I'll know this is what we are to do.

Thank you again.

TTC #1 since 2005 IUI #1 - chem. pregnancy
IUI #2 - BFN 5/2007 -BFP naturally, m/c 6/07
IUI #3 - BFN
IVF#1 canceled
IUI #4 - 8/9/09, IUI #5 8/10/09 -BFN
Moving forward with DE! Waiting to be matched.
Carolyn

Too many IUI’s, IVF’s and failed attempts to count.

TTC #1 since 2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 7:03pm

FWIW, it sounds like either donor would be a good match!


It's natural to grieve for the baby you think you should have had with your own eggs.


In my case, our decision to go w/ DE was largely financial (much as I wish that hadn't been the case).

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 6:12pm

I didn't have an a-ha moment.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 5:56pm

Thank you both for your input. We had to put together a list of our must haves for the practice and donor 1 matches all of our must haves. Donor 2 has most of them. On paper donor one is exactly what we said we wanted even has the same blood type as DH and I. Neither donor looks like me (we are able to see baby pictures but no adult pics) however both my RE and the donor coordinator feel that both these women resemble my DH and I and they have met them in person. I think I'm just scared at this point because I'm recognizing that this will be our family and in essence I'm giving up on my own eggs, even though I know if we were destined to have our own babies we probably would have had them by now. (we've been trying for 5 years)

As our pre-counselor told us, this is a grieving process for me and perhaps I'm just facing the reality of it now. I think I'm just scared. I think I was hoping for more of an a-ha moment -does that mean it's wrong?

TTC #1 since 2005 IUI #1 - chem. pregnancy
IUI #2 - BFN 5/2007 -BFP naturally, m/c 6/07
IUI #3 - BFN
IVF#1 canceled
IUI #4 - 8/9/09, IUI #5 8/10/09 -BFN
Moving forward with DE! Waiting to be matched.
Carolyn

Too many IUI’s, IVF’s and failed attempts to count.

TTC #1 since 2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 11:30am

Carolyn,


It's tough to be presented with 2 donors!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 11:25am

Yay for choosing donors!

 


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