future SMBC just trying to get a feel:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
future SMBC just trying to get a feel:
2
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 3:30am

for how this works.

Here's my story. I'm almost (beginning of July) 35 and divorced. I've had 1 mc at 15 due to a medical condition that was pretty bad at the time. Nothing wrong with the baby, but my body was incapable of carrying to term at that time. I had another mc at 19 - not sure what caused that one. Got married at 20 and tried off and on for the next 3 years with nothing, not even a late af to show for it. But, we weren't really trying consistently, and I had zero knowledge about how my cycle worked so there's a good chance that it was a timing issue. Then we split up at 23 and there hasn't been anybody "willing to help me with my little project" since then. So, I'm giving up on trying to find "mr. right" or even "mr. right now" and am starting to look into DI. I have some things that I need to get settled in my life, first, so I'm at the very beginning stages of this, right now. But, I'm hoping to be ready to start TTC by the end of the year.

So, I was just wondering how this process works. I've started trying to chart my cycles to get a feel for how my body works. I don't understand. My body is weird and uncooperative. According to BBT I am ovulating, but I'm having a REAL hard time figuring out when. I can tell after the fact, which is not very useful. I know that there's a fertility charting board that may be able to help me with that. I'm just having a hard time figuring out what I'm looking at kwim? But, in addition to all the questions that I don't even know enough to know that I should be asking, i have some maybe kind of weird questions. How did you ladies go about choosing a donor? In my case as an SMBC I don't have a DH or BF to try to do a photo matching with. Which I think may even complicate the choice a bit - there goes one obvious way to narrow it down. And if there are any other SMBC's on the board: how did you tell your friends and family what you were doing? Did you wait until you were pg and then explain HOW that happened, or did you tell them you were planning on it before hand so they wouldn't be as shocked? Right now my best friend, 1 of my sisters and my uncle's GF all know that I'm seriously planning this. And they are all actually totally behind me. My uncle's GF thinks it's the coolest thing she ever heard (please don't ask how it even came up in convo, really couldn't tell you.) My mom has been told repeatedly that "I'm going to have kids if I have to go to a sperm bank to do it." But I don't think she realizes that I'm serious. I have a feeling that I can keep her posted on how the process is going every single step of the way and she still will not believe that I'm serious until I'm pg. That's just how my mom is. My dad scares me. But, he may be cool with it since doing it this way does not require me having sex outside of marriage. Honestly, the scariest part about this is figuring out how to tell the fam. (well, that and the fact that at 35 it may already be very close to being too late).

Sorry this was so long and rambly. But one thing about "going it alone" is that you're, well, alone.

jennyjellybean



jennyjellybean
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 10:09am

Hi and welcome!


I don't have a lot of information for you about DI, (I'm a DE mom-to-be) but wanted to say hello :)


I would definitely recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, if you haven't already read it.

 


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Registered: 02-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:37pm

Thanks for the advice. I do have that book, which is how I learned to chart. I also have the software that goes with it. My problem is honestly knowing what I'm looking at. Sticky is pretty obvious. But, believe it or not I have a bit of a problem with the differences between creamy and egg-white. Combine that with the fact that I think my body produces egg-white at all different times of the cycle - a day or 2 right after af is done, mid-cycle and then right before af. I think that when I get closer to being ready I'm gonna buy a fertility monitor. Hopefully that will be helpful. As for the whole clinic vs at-home thing. I didn't even know that at-home was an option. It would certainly be less expensive, but I wonder about the success rate. Sigh, one more thing for me to research.

I'm kind of torn on when to tell my fam. I have a pretty close-knit family. And I think that most of them would be supportive. The main problem is my mom. She is the one person I'd almost rather wait until I'm in the 2nd trimester before I say anything to. I don't need the added stress of dealing with her, KWIM? On the other hand, not telling my mom means not telling ANYONE except my sisters, best friend and probably that 1 aunt that already knows I'm seriously thinking about it. And of course not telling the fam before hand leads to having to explain after the fact - which doesn't sound fun. But, telling them may lead to awkward questions if it takes a while - which will also not be fun.

Who knew that deciding to go ahead and do this would be the easy part?!

jennyjellybean



jennyjellybean