I am really upset; donor embryo info

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
I am really upset; donor embryo info
36
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 12:30pm

Hi ladies,

After much consideration about funding, my awesome DH and I decided to move forward to donor embryo. We have come to terms with the bio thing, we really just know in our hearts we want a family.

So I have been researching this all morning and I find 3 clinics that have programs, and they say they won't let you in if you are over 45. I turn 46 in November, but I don't look it, feel it, or act it. My DH is 30. I am totally devastated... why would there be discrimination when I can march in and do a donor egg program upwards close to 50? Have you heard of anyone my age being successful in finding an embryo?

I also read a post that a couple had posted on miracles waiting and received no responses because the wife was in her 40s.

I really am shocked and saddened. I thought we found the 'answer'. Of course I would rather go with donor egg but it is just not financially viable for us at this time. My heart is aching.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 6:18pm

Oh no, that's really unfortunate!


But you still have 6 months till you turn 46, can't you start working with them now while you still qualify?


I'm not sure how all of this works with donor embryo ... do you have to be chosen by the couple, or are you matched with a suitable embryo by the clinic?


I hope that somehow this works out for you ... ((((((((hugs)))))))))



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 3:34pm

Oh Mattie: I'm so sorry to hear this. We looked at embryo adoption briefly when we were considering adoption. What really scared me away was the fact that some of the embryos were relatively marginal. The really desirable ones, DE/DS were hard to find. Since we had a current home study, we went with NEDC which had a 6 month waiting list. While we were waiting, we heard about SG and decided that was a better option.

While I was researching Embryo adoption, I learned that many REs offer embryos for adoption, which was news to me. There were two kinds: open and anonymous. I was more leaning toward anonymous, I don't want anyone telling me how to raise my kids or wanting contact which were some of the stipulations on some of the open ones. A lot of the parents wanted the adoption parents to maintain visits with their bio kids. This was not my thing so I passed. However, someone else might have a different opinion.

I know of at least one person on this site who have extra embryos that they are thinking of putting up for adoption. This might be a better alternative or you could ask around different RE offices. Does your RE offer that service? I know that a lot of REs store embryos for years and sometimes need to move out embryos for adoption or destroy them because they can keep them indefinately and can't find the parents. I know you are active on Fertile Thoughts, is there someone there who wants to adopt out their extra embryos?

I hope you don't give up hope but I know how hard it is to get excited about something and then hit an impasse.
I hope you get some answers soon.
Best wishes,
Gabrielle

Franklin and Callan

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 1:12am

One word I have a lot of (besides love) is determination.

I spent the weekend glued to the glowing box I call my digital research center. I did find out that many clinics actual have these programs but they are not necessarily advertised (some don't even show it on their websites). I have also learned that the embies are in high demand. One doc replied to me that they have it, but only for their own patients who have had failed IVF.

With this in mind, I have started a spreadsheet; using CDC success rates for FET, I'm making a list of every clinic. I'm taking one day next week and getting on the phone. I read of a woman 48 who just called every single clinic and asked if they had programs, or waiting list. She put her name on any list that would take her and got a call.

I also found a group in WA that lists they don't have an age limit, but 'oldies' like me would have to have a letter from OB saying I could carry a child. Good plan anyways to get that kind of clearance, it might prove helpful. I had an u/s last year after femara and ob said my lining was 'beautiful' so I respond well, I just don't make eggies.

We are going to prolly pay the fee to list on miracles waiting even though I read some of the donors ignore oldies like me. I'm going to make up a website with pics & info (like a match profile but to match us with a kidlet? lol).

I'm not giving up! I read there are 400,000 embies on ice. Out of those there has got to be one for us.

ps, I agree with the anonymous. We have no problem agreeing that one day if our kids want to meet their bio siblings, we would agree, but it would not be our desire to be BFFs with the donating parents. I think it crosses a line I'm not ready to cross. Just our feelings on the topic.

Evidently I have my work cut out for me. As if TTC for this long and the desire to be a mom for 15 yrs isn't enough.

Might consider NEDC too, I can't remember if they were one of the groups with the age cut off.








 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 7:31am
Mattie, I can't believe they arbitrarily place a cut off for donor embie that is earlier than those used for donor egg.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 10:57am

Sounds like you have a fantastic digital workplan laid out!


I wish you all the baby success in the world ... you definitely deserve it!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:14am

Im shocked.

Jess (35)


Happily Married for 8 years and Loving Mom to an amazing 5 year old little girl conceived on second IUI.


Our

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 1:14pm

Thanks Isabel. I am a member at PVED and have actually just had a phone chat with Marna the director about our plans last Friday. She knew we were considering DE but I informed her we want to look into D-emb instead.



 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 1:18pm

Thanks Jess.


We did consider a shared cycle, but even that is out of our reach right now. My DH started his own catering business last year and we pretty much drained everything, plus borrowed to finance it. We're seeing profits from this and in the end it will be the best decision we have made regarding his career - (plus I get to see him more than when he was chef in kitchens!) but I didn't at the time realize that DE cycles would cost SO much.



 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:02pm
I'm glad you talked to Marna.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:38pm

I agree, and she has been a wealth of information.



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