my husband is a sperm donor

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2010
my husband is a sperm donor
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 2:45pm
my husband is going to be a sperm donor. he is currently going through the steps. i have had children and cannot have any more. he has always wanted children. he has chosen a woman to donate to. the 3 of us will share in raising the child. i am on an emotional roller coaster. confusion/jealousy/fear. fear of what?
Avatar for cl_packersrnumber1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 6:24pm

I honestly can not see a situation like that working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2010
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 11:27pm
yes we very much want to be a part of this child's life. and yes we will pay child support. the baby will be ours. all 3 of us. i'm just worried about my emotional state. my husband, their baby.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 3:56pm
I think it's perfectly normal to be worried going into a situation like this, it's going to be very emotional for all parties involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 7:19pm

Wow, Yeah I think it is perfectly normal to have all kinds of feelings about that, and frankly I think most Western women would not be OK with that situation at all. Your husband is not being a "sperm donor" as most people understand the term, he is having a child with another woman. Is this a single woman on top of it? I know I wouldn't be OK with a situation like this. No way! I'm sure my husband wouldn't be either. We did use donor sperm, but it is anonymous (though the donor is "willing to meet" when the child turns 18). We actually used my DH's sperm too so we don't know which fertilized the egg. But regardless of where the DNA came from, my DH will be our child's only Dad.

I can definitely see this causing problems in or destroying a marriage. Is it that you can't carry a child or that your eggs are too old/no ovaries? If you have a uterus would an anonymous egg donor be a possibility? Or if you can't carry a child but have ovaries, could IVF with a surrogate be an option? Of if you've had a complete hysterectomy, would an egg donor and a surrogate be an option.

All people are different in what they are comfortable with, and I'm sure there are some women that might be OK with a situation like this. But the problem is it sounds like you are not one of them. As the pp suggested seeing a counselor before this goes any further is an excellent idea. If you are indeed not comfortable with this, I suggest you make that very clear to your husband now and put a stop to it. Because if you aren't comfortable now, I don't see this getting any easier to deal with once it is fact I think it will be harder in a million ways.

- Jenna, 41, DH 38 TTC since September '06 with MFI. 3 failed unmedicated IUI's with DH sperm, 1 failed IUI with injects with DH sperm, IVF #1 BFN, FET BFP but M/c week 5, IVF#2 BFP m/c week 7, IUI with injects and donor sperm: probable chemical pg. 1 failed unmedicated DS/IUI. Started BCP's 7/30 for IVF #3, ER 9/10, ET 9/15, Beta 9/24 results 9/25. BFP, Twins. Lost 1st twin at 9-10 weeks, lost second twin at 16 weeks 12/17/08. Attempted IUI #4 converted to DS/DH IUI April 09 at my request, BFP and M/c. IVF #4 June 09 BFN. DS-IUI w/injects 7/6/09, BFN. Hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove fibroid 7/29/09.Unmedicated DS-IUI 9/09, BFN. DS-IUI with injects, 10/09, BFP and M/C. DH/DS-IUI with injects and HGH, 12/6. BFP! Betas: 12dpo 12/18 58, 14 dpo 12/20 157, 16dpo 12/22 379, 22 dpo 12/28 4,002

- Jenna