I'm at my wits end!
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| Thu, 05-04-2006 - 1:25pm |
ugh! I can't take this anymore.
My boyfriend's dad was diagnosed with colon cancer back in early March. He was in the hospital for just over two weeks. He was originally put in because they thought it was just an intestinal blockage. When they went in they saw it was probably a tumor and it was too large to remove. His colon had ruptured and the feces went into his stomach infecting it.
So a few days later they did a biopsy and fund the tumor to be cancerous.
We've been having a very hard time getting him to eat anything. He was okay for a while, but has quickly gone downhill. He'll get cravings for things and we'll buy it for him and then he'll never eat it because he didn't feel well. They told him he needs to eat 5 small meals a day. In reality he would have half an ensure and a doctor pepper. Maybe some jello.
But now for the last week has has had a very hard time keeping anything down including water. He says it makes him feel better to throw up. Ugh! yesterday he met up with the oncological surgeon for the first time. They saw how dehydrated he was and gave him some Boost which he refused to drink. When they were done with him, I was asking about getting him down to emergency because he won't eat. the doctor (oncoligical)there didn't seem alarmed because his potassium levels looked fine. But I don't see how that's going to suddenly get him to eat. He's dehydrated. So she sent him home. the surgeon doctor gave him a prescription for something to give him an appetite. He didn't ake any last night. He didn't drink anything. We tried again to get him to an emergency room this morning but he wants to give it another day to see if he can get anything down today.
I told my boyfriend to call him all day long and hound him and that if he can't keep anything down today we are taking him TONIGHT!!!!!
He's 5'11. He was always thin and used to weigh around 150 pounds. Now he is an alarming 98 pounds. I can't understand why the doctors weren't more alarmed yesterday?
Someone needs to figure out why he can't keep anything down. They did take some x-rays and they said there is air in there which could be the beginning of a blockage.
I just don't get why his dad wants to wait around and not do anything. For him to be stable for the surgery he needs and chemo he needs to gain weight. Instead it seems like he just wants to wither away. How do I knock sense into him?

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My own mom seems to be on her way out. She is still weighing whether or not she wants aggressive treatment or to go naturally. My response has been to accept and support whatever she chooses. I think we owe our loved ones the respect and choices to do what they want when faced with this horrible disease. My mom has fought cancer for 15 years. Maybe it is her time. And if it is? That's God's choice, not hers, not mine, and not the doctor's. But when our time comes, I believe that God takes us to a better place anyway.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Welcome to the board Rachel, glad you found us.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Beth thank you for your words of wisdom.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Thanks for asking...
I just found out today that my mother is willing to undergo treatment right now, but is not because she has lost too much weight and the doc wants her to eat more and gain weight before he begins treatment.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Thanks everyone.
I know that he wants to live, he wants to do the surgery and chemo. But as you said, he is just so overwhelmed with everything. And sometimes his meds get him a little bit messed up in the head. He has a hard time dealing with everything.
And I understand that he is overwhelmed, but there are times that I just want to get him to understand that he needs to get something in his system, he needs to gain weight. Well, I think he knows that, but getting him to do what he needs to do is hard.
He is divorced and lives alone. my boyfriend is his only family here. He was self employed and uninsured. My boyfriend has taken on the financial burden. There is a sister, ex-wife and daughter out of state. The sister may soon be helping out financially and the ex and daughter came up to visit for a few days. And the financial aspects he's been covering isn't even the medical bills yet. It's been the rent, the meds, food etc. His whole paycheck goes to his dad. So I know his dad feels some guilt about that.
Thankfully, yesterday, he was finally able to keep some stuff down. We're keeping a close eye on him though. He is so weak and in so much pain.
They haven't scheduled surgery yet. There is a PET scan scheduled in two weeks (not sure why it has to be so far from now) and then he'll see the oncologist a week later. They want to remove the tumor, but his road to recovery depends on his ability to get stronger so that he can handle the chemo.
I have thought about counseling for his dad, but I don't know if his dad would be into it. I am going to have my bf discuss it with him.
There are times when I get so angry about everything. I know it isn't his dad's fault. I just get mad at cancer. I get a little bit of resentment that my bf has to carry the burden while the rest of the family goes on with their lives. They still get to go on their vacations and stuff. We were supposed to go to Disney tomorrow but had to cancel it. My boyfriend has told me he feels bad that if I wasn't with him, I wouldn't have to deal with this. But I don't want him to feel that way. I love him so much and as far as I am concerned, his dad is my family too.
I'm really glad that this board is here, because I know there will be times that I will need somewhere to vent.
Hang onto that boyfriend of yours, he is quite a man, if he does this for his dad you can be sure he will do it for others in his life that he loves and that is a keeper in my book.
I get mad at cancer too, it is unfair and brutal and a thief and at times there are lots of us that just scream at it.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Thanks for all of the advice about financial stuff. Unfortunately, the social workers at the hospital his dad was at initially aren't very good. At first they weren't goingt to offer him any kind of help, and now he is supposed to get charity care. Although it seems like forever for them to process the paper work or whatever has to happen. He even went to a follow up appointment with the first surgeon who put in the colostamy bags, but they turned him away since he didn't have any of the charity paperwork with him. My boyfriend and I both called teh financial aid office at the hospital and all you can do is leave a voicemail and they never call back. So we have no idea how this all works or what it covers.
He applied for SS disablity, but heard that can take a while to kick in.
He didn't qualify for medicaid because he actually had a good month in February so it looked like he had a high income.
Having an income or some financial assets and no insurance is a horror story.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Thanks for all of the suggestions Judy!
How could you not feel helpless and frustrated, I am sorry this is happening to all 3 of you.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
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